Fic "I Never Loved You Anyway - Chapter Three" [Yaone x Gojyo]

“I Never Loved You Anyway” – Chapter Three

(I Don't Think This Means Anything, Author’s Choice)

Fandom: Saiyuki
Rating: PG-13
Author: redbrunja
Characters: Gojyo & Yaone.
Author’s Note: Written for un_love_you. Much love to my beta, pzb.
Summary: “There should be someone getting her to smile- she was too pretty for somber to be her default expression.” In the game of love, some lines you cross, some lines you leap over, and some lines require playing hopscotch with the rules. (Yaone x Gojyo)

(previous chapters can be found here and here.)

( I Don't Think This Means Anything )

She woke up starving.

Steak, she thought muzzily, synapses firing dully and sleep still ragging at her bones. I want steak. Which was a very odd craving for a women who had just had her heart–

Yaone sat bold upright in bed.

“Oh. My. Gods,” she breathed, the implications of the last couple of days washing over her. The way Kougaiji had looked turning away from her, Gojyo smirking at her, smile bright and shallow, honestly lusting after her.

He didn’t love her. Neither of them did, of course, but Gojyo had at least wanted her and at this point, she wasn’t sure if Kougaiji had ever even felt that for her.

Why had he told her that he loved her? Yaone pressed her forehead into her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs. Why? If he’d only wanted someone to warm his bed, someone temporary, she could have done that. She would have understood; she would have been honored.

Yaone forced herself to take a deep breath. It took quite a lot of effort, her lungs feeling numb and paralyzed.

The only thing to do was to go back to Houtou Castle and serve him. Hopefully, someday, she’d manage to prove herself worthy.

She just hoped - oh gods, the spies. Her hands fisted in the covers and her breath started to come short. She hadn’t seen anyone who she knew was working for Koshou or Lord Kougaiji, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t been there, and it wasn’t like she’d been subtle, last night, had she? Throwing the man across the room had been completely over the top, even if he had been about to stab Gojyo in the back.

Oh, please, please, don’t let anyone have seen her taking him to her room.

Yaone flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Kougaiji would undoubtedly fire her if he found out about last night. As well he should.

She gazed at the ceiling for a while longer, and wondered how long she could hide in her hotel room. But no; she needed to get back. Regardless of whether or not Kougaiji cared about her, he was still her Lord, and it would be inexcusably lax to return late from an utterly routine supply run.

Nodding to herself, Yaone went to go take a shower.

It wasn’t until she was packing up her things that she found the note.

I still owe you that drink.

Stop by anytime.

Sha Gojyo.

Yaone had to unpack half of her bags before she found the matches. She burned the note in the hotel’s ashtray, and then tossed the ashes out the hotel window, letting the wind take them. It was sweet of him, really, but the last thing she wanted was for there to be evidence of last night.

She rubbed her face, wearily, and then repacked her bags.

~~~

She made good time to Houtou Castle. The wind was behind her, and with a couple days to rest, her dragon was fresh and practically galloped across the sky.

No one was at the stables when she arrived, which she was grateful for. She unsaddled the dragon and rubbed him down herself, the familiar motions calming. When she was done, the dragon rubbed his head along her side in gratitude, almost knocking her off her feet. She almost laughed, and scratched his eye ridges before she carried her purchases to her laboratory.

She was in the middle of unpacking when the very last person she wanted to see knocked on the doorjamb of her open door.

Yaone looked up, and for a moment words left her. She was just staring into Kougaiji’s violet eyes, and he... he just gazed back at her, and then, mouth twisting as if were a struggle, said, “Yaone-” in a hoarse voice.

Oh Merciful Goddess he was going to fire her.

He’d just been pitying her when told her he still needed her services, and now, now that he’d had a day to consider he was going to let her go.

“Lord Kougaiji,” she tried to chirp cheerfully, but her voice squeaked humiliatingly. “I had quite good luck resupplying. I was able to purchase information and materials for several new varieties of detonations that may come in useful, as well as the name of a man who may be able to provide me with a new drug that has a quiet good reputation as a truth serum.” Yaone said all this in one breath, and then broke eye contact, staring at the wall as she fiddled with a few items she’d yet to put away.

“I-I see,” Kougaiji said. “That’s very... good.”

She could feel his eyes on her, and kept her head down, letting her hair curtain her face.

“Well, I should probably let you continue unpacking,” he said after an awkward pause.

He turned.

“My Lord?” Yaone asked, forcing herself to stare into his eyes, and compose her face into a calm, controlled expression. “Is there anything else?”

She handed him the perfect segue to terminate her employment, and she managed to keep her voice as steady as her hands.

There was a longer pause, and then Kougaiji shook his head, earrings jingling. “Not really,” he said. “Thanks for all your hard work.”

“It was my pleasure,” she said smoothly and sincerely.

“Yeah,” Kougaiji said, and he sounded like a man facing a firing squad. “Thank you.”

Yaone smiled at him, and his look of displeasure increased.

“Well, I’ll let you,” he made a vague, waving gesture with his hand, turned on his heel, and walked away.

It took her a long time after he left to get her breathing under control and even longer after that to stop the tears dripping down her face.

Please God Let This Be Half As Good As It Is In My Head

Joss Whedon is going to be writing a tv show starring Eliza Dushku.


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