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Fic: "...And As For You"
Title: “...And As For You.”
Author: redbrunja
Fandom: Naruto.
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Note: written for naruto contest: week 24 - backstory. Posted literally at the final hour.
Characters: Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, Rin.
Summary: “He’d never liked Dan.” If Jiraiya wrote life, it would be perfect. Or at least, he’d get laid more often.
Jiraiya’d never liked Dan. The man just oozed sincerity. He didn’t drink, he didn’t gamble, and he looked at Tsunade like he hadn’t quite realized she was a woman.
A couple of glasses of sake and Jiraiya could work himself into a right strop about the fact that Tsunade had obviously been the one to make all the moves in that seduction - didn’t Dan have any pride as a man at all?
And then the bastard had the fucking gall to die on her.
A month and a half after Dan heroically saved the life of his teammate and completed his mission in one moronic swoop that ended with him bleeding out under Tsunade’s hands, Jiraiya stormed into one of Konoha’s sleazier bars.
He’d had a plan - something about training for old time’s sake or needing her to fix the cut across his palm or maybe even tossing her a line from his vast repertoire of irresistible come-ons when he saw her slumped in her stool, slowly and steadily sucking down rice wine.
Rational thought left Jiraiya with the speed of a horny housewife going for the hot gardener.
He strode across the bar, plucked her saucer out of her hand and did the dumbest thing he’d ever done in a lifetime of dumb decisions.
Jiraiya told Tsunade exactly how he felt.
“You need to fucking well knock the wallowing off,” he said, angry but not unkind. “You’re only this upset ‘cause Dan kicked the bucket while you were all lovely-dovey. If he’d lived another two weeks you would’ve gotten bored and broken up with him.”
Tsunade’s mouth dropped open.
She stared at him, her alcohol-soaked synapses clearly refusing to process his words.
Jiraiya focused on her mouth, the bit of tongue he could see behind her bottom teeth as tantalizing as a flash of nipple.
The bar was dead silent.
She sucked in a breath, hiccuped, tried to firm up her jaw and two traitorous little tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes.
Jiraiya opened his arms, reached for her.
This was perfect; he’d pull her into his arms and the abundance of her bosom would press into his hard chest. She’d lay her head on his wide and manly shoulder, sniffling weakly. He’s rock her back and forth and wouldn’t even try to cop a feel while she cried and clung to him and got over Dan and realized that she needed a strong, interesting guy in her bed, instead of losers who died on her.
Tsunade punched him so hard he shattered the far wall.
His body dug a furrow into the muddy ground when he landed in the street.
After he slid to a stop it took his body a long minute to remember how to breathe.
After another small ice age Jiraiya rolled to his hand and knees, spat quite a lot of blood and a couple teeth into the dark muck he was sprawled in, and looked over his shoulder.
Through the hole in the wall, he could see Tsunade yelling at the bartender. Or at least, he thought so; Tsunade’s mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear anything above the reverberating ringing in his head.
The bartender started piling bottles of sake in her arms, and she whirled around and stalked out. She didn’t bother with the door, just kicked the low sill of of wood that was all the was left of the wall out of her way and exited the bar in a similar manner to how Jiraiya’d just left. Only she was less bruised.
He put his hand against his head, blinked the black spots out of his eyes.
“You know I’m right,” he called at her as she stalked by. She stopped, her heels squelching down into the mud. A shudder ran down her back and then she continued walking away, not even bothering to look at him.
“You know it....” he said, and then the mud reached up and cradled his face.
When Jiraiya regained consciousness, one of his student’s gennin had slung one of Jiraiya’s arms over his shoulder and was half-dragging him up towards the hospital. Of course, none of Minato’s students were gennin anymore, but still, it was embarrassing. It was the rational, humorless one, too which just made it worse.
Jiraiya spent the walk (and he was walking ....sort up) to the hospital debating whether or not it was better to get the soulless genius one or if the dead kid would have been a step up.
Just when he’d decided that the best of all would be Minato’s pretty girl with the shiny hair, there she was, bathed in the painfully bright light of the hospital and helping Hatake plop him down on the table.
“Let me give you some advice, children,” he slurred, as she administered a shot of something that made the whole world a better place.
“I brought you his teeth, Rin,” Hatake said, and dropped about five chunks of bone into her cupped hands.
“Thank you!” she glowed, like he’d given her diamonds. “That’ll make fixing him up so much easier.
Hatake evaded the happy look in her eyes by staring blankly at the poster advertising the importance of proper dental hygiene.
“You’re both screwed,” he told them. “Totally screwed. Especially you,” he pointed at Rin.
She slapped his hand.
Medics were just so damn violent these days.
Author: redbrunja
Fandom: Naruto.
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Note: written for naruto contest: week 24 - backstory. Posted literally at the final hour.
Characters: Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, Rin.
Summary: “He’d never liked Dan.” If Jiraiya wrote life, it would be perfect. Or at least, he’d get laid more often.
Jiraiya’d never liked Dan. The man just oozed sincerity. He didn’t drink, he didn’t gamble, and he looked at Tsunade like he hadn’t quite realized she was a woman.
A couple of glasses of sake and Jiraiya could work himself into a right strop about the fact that Tsunade had obviously been the one to make all the moves in that seduction - didn’t Dan have any pride as a man at all?
And then the bastard had the fucking gall to die on her.
A month and a half after Dan heroically saved the life of his teammate and completed his mission in one moronic swoop that ended with him bleeding out under Tsunade’s hands, Jiraiya stormed into one of Konoha’s sleazier bars.
He’d had a plan - something about training for old time’s sake or needing her to fix the cut across his palm or maybe even tossing her a line from his vast repertoire of irresistible come-ons when he saw her slumped in her stool, slowly and steadily sucking down rice wine.
Rational thought left Jiraiya with the speed of a horny housewife going for the hot gardener.
He strode across the bar, plucked her saucer out of her hand and did the dumbest thing he’d ever done in a lifetime of dumb decisions.
Jiraiya told Tsunade exactly how he felt.
“You need to fucking well knock the wallowing off,” he said, angry but not unkind. “You’re only this upset ‘cause Dan kicked the bucket while you were all lovely-dovey. If he’d lived another two weeks you would’ve gotten bored and broken up with him.”
Tsunade’s mouth dropped open.
She stared at him, her alcohol-soaked synapses clearly refusing to process his words.
Jiraiya focused on her mouth, the bit of tongue he could see behind her bottom teeth as tantalizing as a flash of nipple.
The bar was dead silent.
She sucked in a breath, hiccuped, tried to firm up her jaw and two traitorous little tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes.
Jiraiya opened his arms, reached for her.
This was perfect; he’d pull her into his arms and the abundance of her bosom would press into his hard chest. She’d lay her head on his wide and manly shoulder, sniffling weakly. He’s rock her back and forth and wouldn’t even try to cop a feel while she cried and clung to him and got over Dan and realized that she needed a strong, interesting guy in her bed, instead of losers who died on her.
Tsunade punched him so hard he shattered the far wall.
His body dug a furrow into the muddy ground when he landed in the street.
After he slid to a stop it took his body a long minute to remember how to breathe.
After another small ice age Jiraiya rolled to his hand and knees, spat quite a lot of blood and a couple teeth into the dark muck he was sprawled in, and looked over his shoulder.
Through the hole in the wall, he could see Tsunade yelling at the bartender. Or at least, he thought so; Tsunade’s mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear anything above the reverberating ringing in his head.
The bartender started piling bottles of sake in her arms, and she whirled around and stalked out. She didn’t bother with the door, just kicked the low sill of of wood that was all the was left of the wall out of her way and exited the bar in a similar manner to how Jiraiya’d just left. Only she was less bruised.
He put his hand against his head, blinked the black spots out of his eyes.
“You know I’m right,” he called at her as she stalked by. She stopped, her heels squelching down into the mud. A shudder ran down her back and then she continued walking away, not even bothering to look at him.
“You know it....” he said, and then the mud reached up and cradled his face.
When Jiraiya regained consciousness, one of his student’s gennin had slung one of Jiraiya’s arms over his shoulder and was half-dragging him up towards the hospital. Of course, none of Minato’s students were gennin anymore, but still, it was embarrassing. It was the rational, humorless one, too which just made it worse.
Jiraiya spent the walk (and he was walking ....sort up) to the hospital debating whether or not it was better to get the soulless genius one or if the dead kid would have been a step up.
Just when he’d decided that the best of all would be Minato’s pretty girl with the shiny hair, there she was, bathed in the painfully bright light of the hospital and helping Hatake plop him down on the table.
“Let me give you some advice, children,” he slurred, as she administered a shot of something that made the whole world a better place.
“I brought you his teeth, Rin,” Hatake said, and dropped about five chunks of bone into her cupped hands.
“Thank you!” she glowed, like he’d given her diamonds. “That’ll make fixing him up so much easier.
Hatake evaded the happy look in her eyes by staring blankly at the poster advertising the importance of proper dental hygiene.
“You’re both screwed,” he told them. “Totally screwed. Especially you,” he pointed at Rin.
She slapped his hand.
Medics were just so damn violent these days.
no subject
I have this idea now that Minato might have at some point told his students "If the old creepy dude with white hair ever falls down in the street, help him up, because he was my teacher and it's important that we respect our elder, wiser shinobi." And just left it as an open directive.
That could be where Kakashi got all his lame excuses....
* Oh man, I just had a thought about how Jeraiya would feel, in a hypothetical AU future when everyone's alive and slightly older, about hearing of kakasaku. I bet Jeraiya's opinion of Kakashi would probably drop even more. ...Of course, I also like the idea that Jeraiya is his uncle or great uncle or something (I'm fuzzy on their ages) and failed in that too.
I would love that so much. You wouldn't even have to make it AU if you set it before Jiraiya bit it. And oh, man, could you imagine the non!fight they would have?
Because Jiriaya would be all: what the fuck, boy, screwing up the Uchicha wasn't enough failure for you? Stupid prick!
Kakashi: .....
Jiriaya: *RAGES*
Kakashi (mentally): *imagine of scales: Sakura on one side, morals on the other*
Kakashi: ......
Jiraiya: *RAGES*
Kakashi: You're bitter.
Jiraiya:... fuck you.
But two of Konoha's greatest shinobi and greatest failures ducking it out would be AWESOME.
no subject
You said "ducking it out", a type-o which gave me the amusing image of the two of them facing each other, ducking each time someone said an insult, as if to dodge. And also trying to duck out of the argument in the midst of having the argument, because they want to fight but are also trying to avoid the fight. >) It was a goofy mental image.
That could be where Kakashi got all his lame excuses....
I've started imagining the Fourth in my head as a guy who says a lot of non-sequitors to fuck with his student's heads. Because a guy that relaxed and happy has to get his kicks somehow... and everybody would let him get away with it because he's so nice, such a sweet fellow that they'd almost not quite hear him correctly when he said totally WTF things. Or gave his students ambiguous, irritating orders that were considered "standing orders" until told otherwise--i.e. forever. And sometimes they would not know what the hell these orders were about, at the time.
Like, "Rule #94. Don't stand between two full length mirrors, unless it's midnight and a person named Mengi is nearby."
And they'd be like "What? Why would I ever stand between two full length mirrors? And if I wanted to, I could only do it at midnight with one person in the whole of Fire Country? What sense does that make?"
And Minato would say, "Grass Country, actually. Now go run up this tree and brink me back three beetles. I'm hungry."
"That's a Yengi Sui tree, it's poisonous to beetles!"
"Time's passing and I'm only getting older and more handsome while it does..."
"Fine!"
And at other times, statements out of the blue like, "Don't chew purple pine needles, you'll regret it."
no subject
It's a whole new ninja technique.
And I could easily see Minato driving his students crazy like that.