redbrunja | Fic: "...And As For You"

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Fic: "...And As For You"

Friday, October 10th, 2008 11:11 pm

Title: “...And As For You.”
Author: redbrunja
Fandom: Naruto.
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Note: written for naruto contest: week 24 - backstory. Posted literally at the final hour.
Characters: Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, Rin.
Summary: “He’d never liked Dan.” If Jiraiya wrote life, it would be perfect. Or at least, he’d get laid more often.

Jiraiya’d never liked Dan. The man just oozed sincerity. He didn’t drink, he didn’t gamble, and he looked at Tsunade like he hadn’t quite realized she was a woman.

A couple of glasses of sake and Jiraiya could work himself into a right strop about the fact that Tsunade had obviously been the one to make all the moves in that seduction - didn’t Dan have any pride as a man at all?

And then the bastard had the fucking gall to die on her.

A month and a half after Dan heroically saved the life of his teammate and completed his mission in one moronic swoop that ended with him bleeding out under Tsunade’s hands, Jiraiya stormed into one of Konoha’s sleazier bars.

He’d had a plan - something about training for old time’s sake or needing her to fix the cut across his palm or maybe even tossing her a line from his vast repertoire of irresistible come-ons when he saw her slumped in her stool, slowly and steadily sucking down rice wine.

Rational thought left Jiraiya with the speed of a horny housewife going for the hot gardener.

He strode across the bar, plucked her saucer out of her hand and did the dumbest thing he’d ever done in a lifetime of dumb decisions.

Jiraiya told Tsunade exactly how he felt.

“You need to fucking well knock the wallowing off,” he said, angry but not unkind. “You’re only this upset ‘cause Dan kicked the bucket while you were all lovely-dovey. If he’d lived another two weeks you would’ve gotten bored and broken up with him.”

Tsunade’s mouth dropped open.

She stared at him, her alcohol-soaked synapses clearly refusing to process his words.

Jiraiya focused on her mouth, the bit of tongue he could see behind her bottom teeth as tantalizing as a flash of nipple.

The bar was dead silent.

She sucked in a breath, hiccuped, tried to firm up her jaw and two traitorous little tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes.

Jiraiya opened his arms, reached for her.

This was perfect; he’d pull her into his arms and the abundance of her bosom would press into his hard chest. She’d lay her head on his wide and manly shoulder, sniffling weakly. He’s rock her back and forth and wouldn’t even try to cop a feel while she cried and clung to him and got over Dan and realized that she needed a strong, interesting guy in her bed, instead of losers who died on her.

Tsunade punched him so hard he shattered the far wall.

His body dug a furrow into the muddy ground when he landed in the street.

After he slid to a stop it took his body a long minute to remember how to breathe.

After another small ice age Jiraiya rolled to his hand and knees, spat quite a lot of blood and a couple teeth into the dark muck he was sprawled in, and looked over his shoulder.

Through the hole in the wall, he could see Tsunade yelling at the bartender. Or at least, he thought so; Tsunade’s mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear anything above the reverberating ringing in his head.

The bartender started piling bottles of sake in her arms, and she whirled around and stalked out. She didn’t bother with the door, just kicked the low sill of of wood that was all the was left of the wall out of her way and exited the bar in a similar manner to how Jiraiya’d just left. Only she was less bruised.

He put his hand against his head, blinked the black spots out of his eyes.

“You know I’m right,” he called at her as she stalked by. She stopped, her heels squelching down into the mud. A shudder ran down her back and then she continued walking away, not even bothering to look at him.

“You know it....” he said, and then the mud reached up and cradled his face.

When Jiraiya regained consciousness, one of his student’s gennin had slung one of Jiraiya’s arms over his shoulder and was half-dragging him up towards the hospital. Of course, none of Minato’s students were gennin anymore, but still, it was embarrassing. It was the rational, humorless one, too which just made it worse.

Jiraiya spent the walk (and he was walking ....sort up) to the hospital debating whether or not it was better to get the soulless genius one or if the dead kid would have been a step up.

Just when he’d decided that the best of all would be Minato’s pretty girl with the shiny hair, there she was, bathed in the painfully bright light of the hospital and helping Hatake plop him down on the table.

“Let me give you some advice, children,” he slurred, as she administered a shot of something that made the whole world a better place.

“I brought you his teeth, Rin,” Hatake said, and dropped about five chunks of bone into her cupped hands.

“Thank you!” she glowed, like he’d given her diamonds. “That’ll make fixing him up so much easier.

Hatake evaded the happy look in her eyes by staring blankly at the poster advertising the importance of proper dental hygiene.

“You’re both screwed,” he told them. “Totally screwed. Especially you,” he pointed at Rin.

She slapped his hand.

Medics were just so damn violent these days.

Tags:

fanfic,
naruto

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