See, this idea that I am bad for loving what I love, even if I love it despite massive flaws that I acknowledge, is something I really struggle with. Why can't I be one of those cool people, I think, who have all live action icons? What is wrong with me that Claymore has not hooked me but I've written eleventy-billion smutty one-shots for Naruto? Why do fics with EPICALLY problematic gender and character issues nonetheless sometimes make my favorites list?
And I can answer all of these with logical answers - that's not the point. The point is that I do think it's important to realize and accept that (speaking personally) what we love or what's worth our fannish time is no always decided by us, you know? That not only are this there no accounting for other people's taste, but there is no accounting for our own.
Yes, this. I really agree with everything you have said here. Hey, I didn't know I wasn't the only one who sometimes feels a bit lame for not having more/any live action icons, but I do have this little irrational feeling sometimes -- I don't think I've ever confessed it to anyone -- that my words would somehow look more "meaningful" if I had live action icons. Admittedly, it's a bit ridiculous, but there you go.
I just want to say, though, as someone who is very conscientious of gender issues (at least, I think I am more so than a lot of people) and gender dynamics, sometimes I run into a lot of similar concerns. It's like, okay, yeah, I like really gender-subversive pairings and ideas -- but then, oh, well, my favourite 'ship at the moment kind of has traditional gender roles, and how do I reconcile that? [Except to say "traditional" is not inherently wrong anymore than subversive is inherently right: what's wrong, for me, is suggesting there is a One True Way to write het/slash/girl-slash/whatever.]
But I run into it everywhere: if I write girl-slash, I get the sense of -- oh, what if I am objectifying women accidentally? Or what if, by writing about women who are linked by connections to certain men and who discuss the problems many women face re: men (i.e. Anko/Karin on the kinkmeme), am I making a woman-centric piece too male-centric? What is wrong with me that all the girl-slash I've written has featured the women as having more of a "discuss women's issues + have sex / have a clandestine fling", whereas a lot of the het I've written features the man and woman in a known relationship?
This gets me wondering: am I being heteronormative, myself? Or just reacting to how I think women in a heteronormative society might be more likely to behave with regards to relationships? (Uh, as someone who has had two kind of closeted relationships, herself.)
And while I haven't really written slash lately, then you roll around to that, and there's a whole other can of worms: am I treating women unfairly in this male/male piece? (Though actually, that's one avenue which I mostly don't worry about, just because I think I'm conscientious enough of such matters.) Am I being subversive and breaking down traditional masculinity in a positive manner, or am I objectifying men + substituting them in the roles which have traditionally been harmful to women + by proxy being harmful to both genders simultaneously?
And then it's like: where does subversive end and objectification begin, with sexuality?
Ugh, man, that was long, but you see what I'm driving at, I think. It's like, sometimes being hyper-conscious of gender concerns can almost drive you crazy over your own tastes. And that's before you even get to race issues (why did no one claim any of the Killerbee or Cloud Nin prompts on the kinkmeme, for instance? it may mean nothing, but it is interesting to note), but I think at the end of the day, being conscientious is half/most of the battle. We shouldn't beat ourselves up over our tastes. We don't have to be progressive and revolutionary in every single thing we like. And even if something is flawed, or traditional, or reveals the flaws of its culture, it can still have its interesting aspects, and it can still be made interesting and worthwhile, for one reason or another.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Yes, this. I really agree with everything you have said here. Hey, I didn't know I wasn't the only one who sometimes feels a bit lame for not having more/any live action icons, but I do have this little irrational feeling sometimes -- I don't think I've ever confessed it to anyone -- that my words would somehow look more "meaningful" if I had live action icons. Admittedly, it's a bit ridiculous, but there you go.
I just want to say, though, as someone who is very conscientious of gender issues (at least, I think I am more so than a lot of people) and gender dynamics, sometimes I run into a lot of similar concerns. It's like, okay, yeah, I like really gender-subversive pairings and ideas -- but then, oh, well, my favourite 'ship at the moment kind of has traditional gender roles, and how do I reconcile that? [Except to say "traditional" is not inherently wrong anymore than subversive is inherently right: what's wrong, for me, is suggesting there is a One True Way to write het/slash/girl-slash/whatever.]
But I run into it everywhere: if I write girl-slash, I get the sense of -- oh, what if I am objectifying women accidentally? Or what if, by writing about women who are linked by connections to certain men and who discuss the problems many women face re: men (i.e. Anko/Karin on the kinkmeme), am I making a woman-centric piece too male-centric? What is wrong with me that all the girl-slash I've written has featured the women as having more of a "discuss women's issues + have sex / have a clandestine fling", whereas a lot of the het I've written features the man and woman in a known relationship?
This gets me wondering: am I being heteronormative, myself? Or just reacting to how I think women in a heteronormative society might be more likely to behave with regards to relationships? (Uh, as someone who has had two kind of closeted relationships, herself.)
And while I haven't really written slash lately, then you roll around to that, and there's a whole other can of worms: am I treating women unfairly in this male/male piece? (Though actually, that's one avenue which I mostly don't worry about, just because I think I'm conscientious enough of such matters.) Am I being subversive and breaking down traditional masculinity in a positive manner, or am I objectifying men + substituting them in the roles which have traditionally been harmful to women + by proxy being harmful to both genders simultaneously?
And then it's like: where does subversive end and objectification begin, with sexuality?
Ugh, man, that was long, but you see what I'm driving at, I think. It's like, sometimes being hyper-conscious of gender concerns can almost drive you crazy over your own tastes. And that's before you even get to race issues (why did no one claim any of the Killerbee or Cloud Nin prompts on the kinkmeme, for instance? it may mean nothing, but it is interesting to note), but I think at the end of the day, being conscientious is half/most of the battle. We shouldn't beat ourselves up over our tastes. We don't have to be progressive and revolutionary in every single thing we like. And even if something is flawed, or traditional, or reveals the flaws of its culture, it can still have its interesting aspects, and it can still be made interesting and worthwhile, for one reason or another.