I like, and by "like" I mean "am amused and somewhat horrified by", the guy who can't decide if his character's lover is a boat, a squirrel, a twelve-year-old, or a fricking baby.
The boat metaphors are especially horrid.
She holds him tight and squeezes her body to his, sending delightful sailing boats tacking to and fro across the ocean of his back. With her fingertips she sends foam-flecked waves scurrying over his skin...
What does that even mean? Delightful sailing boats? What sensation is he trying to convey with that?
(Also, protip, BOATS DO NOT HAVE SEISMOGRAPHS. What with spending most of their time on the WATER and all. Though since his hero is playing the piano on a squirrel a few sentences later, maybe I should just chalk that one up to the general metaphor blizzard.)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
The boat metaphors are especially horrid.
She holds him tight and squeezes her body to his, sending delightful sailing boats tacking to and fro across the ocean of his back. With her fingertips she sends foam-flecked waves scurrying over his skin...
What does that even mean? Delightful sailing boats? What sensation is he trying to convey with that?
(Also, protip, BOATS DO NOT HAVE SEISMOGRAPHS. What with spending most of their time on the WATER and all. Though since his hero is playing the piano on a squirrel a few sentences later, maybe I should just chalk that one up to the general metaphor blizzard.)