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I was at my childhood home last weekend, and my mother and I had a friend over for dinner.
As my mom and I were making dinner, I was stealing shrimp for shrimp foo young (and sidenote, dropped one down my shirt and IT VANISHED INTO MY CLEAVAGE NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN, I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING) I go, "wait, isn't friend-we're-having-for-dinner-a-vegetarian?'
Mom: Yeah, she's a vegetarian but she eats seafood.
Me: I'm sorry, but that is not being a vegetarian.
Mom: But it's just fish. If I was a vegetarian, that's the kind of vegetarian I'd be.
Me: Fish and shrimp are animals, mom! They count.
Mom: You're right.
[long pause]
Me: So I was reading about the siege of Leningrad, and did you know that cannibalism was so prevalent that the police had a special division to try and stop it?
Mom (disgusted): Really?
Me: I wonder if I would eat human flesh to survive. I want to say no, but...
Mom: ...you're hesitating.
Me: I mean, if I was starving, and my neighbor was already dead right across the hall... I'd probably eat them.
Mom: I wouldn't! How do you live with that afterwards? ...unless I had kids who were starving. Then I'd probably feed them human flesh. But I'd lie, I'd say it was rat.
Me: This probably wasn't the best conversation to have before dinner, was it?
As my mom and I were making dinner, I was stealing shrimp for shrimp foo young (and sidenote, dropped one down my shirt and IT VANISHED INTO MY CLEAVAGE NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN, I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING) I go, "wait, isn't friend-we're-having-for-dinner-a-vegetarian?'
Mom: Yeah, she's a vegetarian but she eats seafood.
Me: I'm sorry, but that is not being a vegetarian.
Mom: But it's just fish. If I was a vegetarian, that's the kind of vegetarian I'd be.
Me: Fish and shrimp are animals, mom! They count.
Mom: You're right.
[long pause]
Me: So I was reading about the siege of Leningrad, and did you know that cannibalism was so prevalent that the police had a special division to try and stop it?
Mom (disgusted): Really?
Me: I wonder if I would eat human flesh to survive. I want to say no, but...
Mom: ...you're hesitating.
Me: I mean, if I was starving, and my neighbor was already dead right across the hall... I'd probably eat them.
Mom: I wouldn't! How do you live with that afterwards? ...unless I had kids who were starving. Then I'd probably feed them human flesh. But I'd lie, I'd say it was rat.
Me: This probably wasn't the best conversation to have before dinner, was it?