Fic: "Foolish Boys"

[redbrunja]

Title: Foolish Boys
Author: redbrunja
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Neji on Hinata's love life.
Warnings: Mature themes.
Summary: "He watches them fail to fall in love with her."

He watches them fail to fall in love with her.

That dog boy, who never clues in to what it means, that his heart beats faster around her, that he angles his body away from her as they walk, ready to lung forward at the first threatening motion the world makes.

That bug guy, too enthralled with minutia to realize that he has someone precious on his team.

The fox boy, too damn stupid and loud to realize she loves him madly. Naruto is the one whose failure is unforgivable, Neji decides, because she adores him and he doesn't even notice.

Maybe it's the Branch House blood that Neji can't quite manage to purge from his veins or maybe it's even more simple and primal than that, but he sees (from across Konoha, from the way her fingers curl at the dinner table, from the way the breath catches in her throat) that Hinata is miserable. (He hates her from her clear, unmarked forehead to her quaking toes, and somewhere in his head is his cute cousin dressed in white who he wants to protect).

Neji has killed her, has stopped her cardiac muscles with his chakra, has made her bleed and bleed and bleed, (and part of him regrets that and most of him doesn't) but somehow those foolish, primitive boys strike him as having committed even worse crimes against her heart than he did.

Comments

[studentrobin.livejournal.com]

I know little about Naruto. I have not seen an episode, or read a chapter.
And I love this.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! I means a lot to me when people who don't know the canon still like what I write.

[katsquared.livejournal.com]

Oh that's gorgeous. Especially that last part of the last sentence. Mmmmm <3

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

And yeah, I think Neji would rate emotional abuse or pain much, much higher than physical pain.

Plus, I bet he's super critical of the fact that Kiba, Shino, and Naruto has no reason NOT to make her happy, while he has all this history that means he should want to make her miserable.

[yumi-maki.livejournal.com]

I like this. It's very simple but it says a lot. It's interesting that you went with Neji for this considering his history with Hinata and I'm really glad that you worked that in at the end. You did a really good job.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I think Neji, while he has his issues with Hinata, pays quite a lot of attention to her - I really can't think of anyone else who would know who she is, or possibly could be interested in.

[yumi-maki.livejournal.com]

I think you're selling Kiba and Shino a bit short (not in the story, in general) - I mean, they're her teammates - they must have some insight into who she is, particularly Shino since he appears to be rather perceptive (and not just to insects). And what about Kurenai? I'm sure she'd be interested in her.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

You are right about that - I wrote without thinking in that comment. But I do think Neji will always look at Hinata with an intensity that others without their history would be hard pressed to match.

[pikabot]

Poor Hinata =/

I love it. *applauds quietly* Especially that last paragraph.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I reworded the last paragraph quite a lot to make sure it was saying what I wanted it to say, and flowed well.

[wildwesternwind.livejournal.com]

Very striking. And I can see things going down like this. Hinata is caged within her emotions (because none of those fools realize they have the key to let her out) just as Neji is trapped within the servitude and history of his own heritage.

But back to my point...Lovely. *mem'd*

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, I didn't think of it like Hinata being trapped, but you're right, she is - because she would never make the first move, and none of the guys would realize they should.

[wildwesternwind.livejournal.com]

It was an epiphany. Shes just as much bond by her own sense of propriety and shyness. And of course Kiba and Naruto are oblivious to most things. You would think Shino would pick up on something as he seems to be the most aware of things in general...but then again, even if he was..he would probably have the whole self-doubt-who-would-want-a-bug-filled-man thing going. Kiba, probably takes Hinata's prescence and what she means to him for granted and would only realize his own feelings when she was taken away by someone else.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

.he would probably have the whole self-doubt-who-would-want-a-bug-filled-m an thing going

Damn. You and another ljer are making me crave Shino fic so hardcore.

And Kiba is totally the type of boy to not realize his feelings until Hinata's with someone else.

[wildwesternwind.livejournal.com]

I do what I can. Actually, some Shino fic does sound good right now.

In some ways Kiba is more oblivious than Naruto. I mean, Naruto atleast realizes that he really likes Sakura...but Kiba, not a clue with Hinata. For both of them who can be so freakishly perceptive at times, they are big idiots in their own rights.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

That's true. Naruto is really attunded to his id. I bet Kiba is better about being aware of other people, but Naruto is more straightforward about what he wants.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! *glows*

[tobu-ishi.livejournal.com]

Somehow, my favorite line in this is the parenthesized phrase with the three 'from's. I love seeing grammar played with in ways that feel organic and poignant, and break with cliche in the process. Also, your doesn't even notice conveys the sense of incredulous outrage very well. Nice piece. :)

(I think you've got a typo, though. "most of hiS doesn't"?)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I adore doing repeated words and phrases - I actually have to consciously pull back and not overuse the effect.

*nods*

Yeah Neji is so aware of everything around him that I think Naruto's obliviousness to the world in general and Hinata in particular would drive him crazy.

Thanks so much for pointing that typo out - it's fixed now.

[lilmonika30.livejournal.com]

I have to tell you that I have been wanting to leave you a comment for for some time now. I love your writing so I put you on my friends list. For some reason or another you make me nervous, but I had it put that aside after I read this. Although Neji has never been one of my favorite characters, these few lines you have written has made me think differently about him. Thanks

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

*blushes*

Oh, I don't mean to be intimidating! I'm so glad you commented - I promise I don't bite (often). Please feel free to drop me a line whenever.

You comment made me really happy - I love knowing people like my writing.

Neji is... I didn't really like him much until you add Hinata into the mix, and see him get the smack down he deserves. Plus, I think his history with Hinata, specifically, in light of the whole Branch Family/Main Family thing is very, very fraught with potential.