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Title: You May Refer To Me As God
Author: redbrunja
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
naruto_contest: week 20 – judge
Characters: Tsunade, Kakashi.
Summary: Hatake Kakashi was forty minutes and a baker's dozen of seconds late to his meeting with the Fifth Hokage. That wasn't why she threw him across the room.
Hatake Kakashi was forty minutes and a baker's dozen of seconds late to his meeting with the Fifth Hokage.
"Yo," he opened with as he climbed in her window, omnipresent orange-jacketed book in his hands.
Tsunade knocked back a saucer of sake, violently signed her name on something very, very important, and then poured herself another.
"Sorry I'm late," he said, "There was this cute little lost pussy cat who needed help-"
That was the wrong lie to use, boyo, Tsunade thought as she turned in her chair, rose, and jabbed her finger forward. The spine of Icha Icha Revelation broke with a crack like a shattered tibia. The book slapped into Kakashi's chest with the force of a downed tree, and he flew across the room, slamming into the far wall. The plaster cracked behind him and before his feet could do more than touch the ground, the Hokage was in front of him, pinky resting on his hitai-ate, sake cup still in her hand. Kakashi caught the book before it could fall to the floor in the crook of his left arm, cradling it like an infant, kunai between every finger of his right hand.
Tsunade pressed a little harder, pinning him to the wall and preventing Kakashi from even thinking of using the sharingan on her.
"Put the kunai away, Hatake," she ordered. She took a long, slow draw of her sake, drinking until the bowl was dry, and then tossed it behind her. Her cup landed on a stack of papers, flipped over, and then rolled to a stop next to the bottle.
There was a long pause. Kakashi's face was implacable, but she could practically hear his little male mind whirring away like a hamster in a cage, clearly at a loss to why his Hokage had him between an annoyed kunoichi and a hard place.
He carefully returned his kunai to their holster.
"About my apprentice," Tsunade said with a smile.
His expression didn't change, but there was a slight 'oh... that,' tension that added itself to his shoulders.
She took a moment to stare into his single, dark eye.
He knew exactly what she wanted to talk about and he knew that she knew that he knew.
Orochimaru would have kept this going for another six 'he knew that she knew that he knew's and Jiraiya would have broken bones by now, or bought the man a drink, which was why neither of them was the goddamned Hokage.
"Hatake," she roared in a voice the caused the windows to rattle, "if I even SUSPECT that you are going to die on that girl, I will bust your ass back to gennin IMMEDIATELY and restrict you to D-class missions for the rest of your VERY, VERY LONG LIFE."
Kakashi's eyes widened.
"I see," he said after a very, very long pause. "...Is that all?"
"IT'S FUCKING WELL NOT," she responded, and then released Kakashi, pressing a finger to her lips as she recalled what that other thing was.
Oh, A-class mission, right.
She swiped the scroll of the desk, tossed it at him, and then poured herself another drink.
She didn't look up as she heard the seal break. Seconds later, "You know, for this mission I think I medic-nin would be most helpful-" he started.
He was right, which was why she didn't immediately throw him out the window.
"Take Shizune, then," she said, not looking up.
There was a fractional pause where Kakashi clearly debated whether or not to push his luck.
"Yes, Hokage-sama," he said, and vanished with a poof of gray smoke.
Tsunade leaned back in her chair, letting her smirk slip into a more sincere, melancholy smile. She approved, but that didn't mean she was going to make it easy for him.
If he broke Sakura's heart, she was going to pound every bone in his body to dust, even if she had to drag him back from the fucking land of the dead to do so.
Author: redbrunja
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Written for
naruto_contest: week 20 – judgeCharacters: Tsunade, Kakashi.
Summary: Hatake Kakashi was forty minutes and a baker's dozen of seconds late to his meeting with the Fifth Hokage. That wasn't why she threw him across the room.
Hatake Kakashi was forty minutes and a baker's dozen of seconds late to his meeting with the Fifth Hokage.
"Yo," he opened with as he climbed in her window, omnipresent orange-jacketed book in his hands.
Tsunade knocked back a saucer of sake, violently signed her name on something very, very important, and then poured herself another.
"Sorry I'm late," he said, "There was this cute little lost pussy cat who needed help-"
That was the wrong lie to use, boyo, Tsunade thought as she turned in her chair, rose, and jabbed her finger forward. The spine of Icha Icha Revelation broke with a crack like a shattered tibia. The book slapped into Kakashi's chest with the force of a downed tree, and he flew across the room, slamming into the far wall. The plaster cracked behind him and before his feet could do more than touch the ground, the Hokage was in front of him, pinky resting on his hitai-ate, sake cup still in her hand. Kakashi caught the book before it could fall to the floor in the crook of his left arm, cradling it like an infant, kunai between every finger of his right hand.
Tsunade pressed a little harder, pinning him to the wall and preventing Kakashi from even thinking of using the sharingan on her.
"Put the kunai away, Hatake," she ordered. She took a long, slow draw of her sake, drinking until the bowl was dry, and then tossed it behind her. Her cup landed on a stack of papers, flipped over, and then rolled to a stop next to the bottle.
There was a long pause. Kakashi's face was implacable, but she could practically hear his little male mind whirring away like a hamster in a cage, clearly at a loss to why his Hokage had him between an annoyed kunoichi and a hard place.
He carefully returned his kunai to their holster.
"About my apprentice," Tsunade said with a smile.
His expression didn't change, but there was a slight 'oh... that,' tension that added itself to his shoulders.
She took a moment to stare into his single, dark eye.
He knew exactly what she wanted to talk about and he knew that she knew that he knew.
Orochimaru would have kept this going for another six 'he knew that she knew that he knew's and Jiraiya would have broken bones by now, or bought the man a drink, which was why neither of them was the goddamned Hokage.
"Hatake," she roared in a voice the caused the windows to rattle, "if I even SUSPECT that you are going to die on that girl, I will bust your ass back to gennin IMMEDIATELY and restrict you to D-class missions for the rest of your VERY, VERY LONG LIFE."
Kakashi's eyes widened.
"I see," he said after a very, very long pause. "...Is that all?"
"IT'S FUCKING WELL NOT," she responded, and then released Kakashi, pressing a finger to her lips as she recalled what that other thing was.
Oh, A-class mission, right.
She swiped the scroll of the desk, tossed it at him, and then poured herself another drink.
She didn't look up as she heard the seal break. Seconds later, "You know, for this mission I think I medic-nin would be most helpful-" he started.
He was right, which was why she didn't immediately throw him out the window.
"Take Shizune, then," she said, not looking up.
There was a fractional pause where Kakashi clearly debated whether or not to push his luck.
"Yes, Hokage-sama," he said, and vanished with a poof of gray smoke.
Tsunade leaned back in her chair, letting her smirk slip into a more sincere, melancholy smile. She approved, but that didn't mean she was going to make it easy for him.
If he broke Sakura's heart, she was going to pound every bone in his body to dust, even if she had to drag him back from the fucking land of the dead to do so.
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