Speed-Beta Time

[redbrunja]

Okay, I'm writing my Sai-fic, and I want him to say something really insulting to Ino without realizing it.

Here's what I have so far:

Once, Sai had asked Ino why she persisted in pointlessly flaunting her sexual availability in front of a teammate who was clearly uninterested in her specifically and possibly the entire female gender. Ino had slapped him across the face and then attacked him with a kunai when he commented that she hit more more gently than Sakura did.

I honestly don't think that sounds quite bad enough. Basically, I want Sai to say something to the effect off: why do you act like an utter whore around Shikamaru when he's clearly either homosexual or revolted by your appearance?

Only it needs to be phrase more Sai-like.
 

Comments

[ivy-chan.livejournal.com]

'Writhing around like a bitch in heat' is always good, but I'm not sure about the 'bitch' bit. Realistically, it's just the technical name for a female dog, and I suppose Sai can be ignorant of the other use for it.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I just sounds slightly too crude for Sai. And while I can totally buy him not knowing the slang, it just sounds a little too deliberately insulting.