Speed-Beta Time

[redbrunja]

Okay, I'm writing my Sai-fic, and I want him to say something really insulting to Ino without realizing it.

Here's what I have so far:

Once, Sai had asked Ino why she persisted in pointlessly flaunting her sexual availability in front of a teammate who was clearly uninterested in her specifically and possibly the entire female gender. Ino had slapped him across the face and then attacked him with a kunai when he commented that she hit more more gently than Sakura did.

I honestly don't think that sounds quite bad enough. Basically, I want Sai to say something to the effect off: why do you act like an utter whore around Shikamaru when he's clearly either homosexual or revolted by your appearance?

Only it needs to be phrase more Sai-like.
 

Comments

[ivy-chan.livejournal.com]

'Writhing around like a bitch in heat' is always good, but I'm not sure about the 'bitch' bit. Realistically, it's just the technical name for a female dog, and I suppose Sai can be ignorant of the other use for it.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I just sounds slightly too crude for Sai. And while I can totally buy him not knowing the slang, it just sounds a little too deliberately insulting.

[queroli.livejournal.com]

The first image I got is of Sai asking if she got dropped on the head as a child.
I don't know if that helps or not... xD

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I love your icon.

And that is a good idea.

[tobu-ishi.livejournal.com]

"Ino? May I ask you to clarify a point of social interaction for me? You frequently attempt to use advanced techniques of kunoichi seduction on your teammate, but I cannot deduce your purpose in doing so. He is an ally and does not require flummoxing. In any case, he consistently fails to respond to your overtures in any positive fashion. Are you in fact unaware of his disinterest, or do you regularly pursue these exercises in futility as a personal challenge?"

I dunno. I've never written Sai before--I have in fact read about three chapters of him, total. Lose. XD

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

LOL!

And Sai is well worth spending more than three chapters on. He cracks me the hell up, and has a backstory that I really respect. I mean, why he is so screwed up emotionally makes total sense to me, and he is DOING something about it, which I approve off.

Sai

[zareutajin.livejournal.com]

"You know, Ino, a girl could stake herself spread-eagle, naked and writhing on the floor of a bar called Gay Blind Eunuch, and she'd still go home alone."

Re: Sai

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Ha!

[nimblnymph.livejournal.com]

Maybe something like:

"Once, Sai had called Ino stupid because she wasn't taking a very obvious hint; Nara Shikamaru wasn't into her. Whether that was because he liked more meat between the thighs or because Ino was just unattractive was up for debate... but it couldn't help that she looked like she made her money on a corner and NOT going on missions. Ino had slapped him across the face and then attacked him when he'd informed her that she hit much more gently than Sakura did."

Just an idea... sorry to hijack. Though... you really shouldn't be afraid of SOME crudeness to Sai. He's not exactly kosher in the mouth department with some of the things he says.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Hahaha!

Oh, don't worry about hijacking - I wouldn't have posted in with 'help' if I didn't want people to toss out ideas.

And yeah, Sai does have that rude, inappropate side. Sai is just.... I love him, but in general he is an utter bitch to write, so I tend to shy away from the cude - he's not an asshole, he's just oblivious to the niceties. Plus, Naruto is the only person Sai really actively antagonizes.

[nimblnymph.livejournal.com]

*grins* Jolly good then! I always feel a little bad when I hijack fics from people, but sometimes... can't really help it.

Mm... True, Sai does seem to reserve the cruder comments for Naruto. Maybe it's an "army" thing? Like how in the army movies EVERYONE makes liberal use of the word fuck and all that. So Sai, being completely oblivious to social norms, thinks that's how two guys in a military type setting SHOULD interact.

[(Anonymous)]

Except instead of fuck, Sai just uses his favorite Naruto word, lol.

[nimblnymph.livejournal.com]

*taps nose* Yup, exactly!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

You know, I got to thinking - what if Sai's brother was a little older than him, and acts towards Sai like Sai is acting toward Naruto? With all the little penis comments.

[nimblnymph.livejournal.com]

... That would make a lot of sense, but does Sai actually HAVE an older brother?

Either way, I like that one the best. That's so something boys would do.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

We know he had a boy he considered to be his brother in Root, who either a.) died of an illness or b.) was killed by Sai as part of an initiation test.

[nimblnymph.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh... That's right! His book, I remember now!

Yes, that would be perfect then. He sees it as a way of showing brotherly type affection, but because ROOT sucked all the social tact out of him he's not portraying it properly. Aw, that's sort of sad and cute at the same time.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

So much of Sai is sad and cute. (and often annoying) all at once.

[(Anonymous)]

"was killed by Sai as part of an initiation test"

Really? Where was this mentioned?

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I honestly can't remember which chapter it was in. I checked the naruto wiki to make sure I was recalling his backstory correctly.
Yamato brings it up, though.