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Here is my DVD commentary on "...And As For You" for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
teh_amazing_one . You can read the original version here.
Okay, first off, this fic won over at naruto_contest, which I've happy about both because I think it's awesome and because I like winning.
The title is from a Oysterband song, and the lyrics just seemed to fic this fic: "And as for you, where were you, when I needed you? You just looked at me, like you see but you can't recall." Which seemed to fit this fics theme off trying to be there for someone and not managing it.
Jiraiya’d never liked Dan. The man just oozed sincerity. He didn’t drink, he didn’t gamble, and he looked at Tsunade like he hadn’t quite realized she was a woman.
This is all true. When Jiraiya is talking about writing I can actually see a lot of myself in him. I would have liked to talk writing-shop with him, but I'd have worn a turtleneck shirt. Anyway, my point is that Jiraiya is usually very, very easy to write for me.
A couple of glasses of sake and Jiraiya could work himself into a right strop about the fact that Tsunade had obviously been the one to make all the moves in that seduction - didn’t Dan have any pride as a man at all?
And he's honestly indignant about this - after all his effort, Dan gets Tsunade handed to him on a platter. Okay, he's more honestly jealous here.
And then the bastard had the fucking gall to die on her.
...but he really does love Tsunade, so he wants her to be happy, and he didn't want Dan to die.
A month and a half after Dan heroically saved the life of his teammate and completed his mission in one moronic swoop that ended with him bleeding out under Tsunade’s hands, Jiraiya stormed into one of Konoha’s sleazier bars.
He’d had a plan - something about training for old time’s sake or needing her to fix the cut across his palm or maybe even tossing her a line from his vast repertoire of irresistible come-ons when he saw her slumped in her stool, slowly and steadily sucking down rice wine.
Rational thought left Jiraiya with the speed of a horny housewife going for the hot gardener.
This line is here because between scrawling out half of my rough draft during Into to Fiction class, I went to the gym and 'Desperate Housewives" was on. That said, it is a metaphor Jiraiya would use in a heartbeat. (It's part of why I love writing him. The inner pervert gets to come out and play, and I get to use words like "pussy". Although I don't, in this particular fic.)
He strode across the bar, plucked her saucer out of her hand and did the dumbest thing he’d ever done in a lifetime of dumb decisions.
Jiraiya told Tsunade exactly how he felt.
“You need to fucking well knock the wallowing off,” he said, angry but not unkind. “You’re only this upset ‘cause Dan kicked the bucket while you were all lovely-dovey. If he’d lived another two weeks you would’ve gotten bored and broken up with him.”
This is also true. And while Jiraiya is wrong about the timeline, I do believe that Tsunade could have had a happily-ever-after with Dan, married him, and always had something subtly missing in her life. Actually, that would make a great AU...
Tsunade’s mouth dropped open.
She stared at him, her alcohol-soaked synapses clearly refusing to process his words.
Jiraiya focused on her mouth, the bit of tongue he could see behind her bottom teeth as tantalizing as a flash of nipple.
The bar was dead silent.
She sucked in a breath, hiccuped, tried to firm up her jaw and two traitorous little tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes.
Jiraiya opened his arms, reached for her.
This was perfect; he’d pull her into his arms and the abundance of her bosom would press into his hard chest. She’d lay her head on his wide and manly shoulder, sniffling weakly. He’s rock her back and forth and wouldn’t even try to cop a feel while she cried and clung to him and got over Dan and realized that she needed a strong, interesting guy in her bed, instead of losers who died on her.
This is the other reason I love writing Jiraiya. I get to let my melodramatic, romantic, inner 13-year-old writer come out and play. I am SURE that at some point I wrote the above scene straight.
Tsunade punched him so hard he shattered the far wall.
*giggle*
His body dug a furrow into the muddy ground when he landed in the street.
After he slid to a stop it took his body a long minute to remember how to breathe.
After another small ice age Jiraiya rolled to his hand and knees, spat quite a lot of blood and a couple teeth into the dark muck he was sprawled in, and looked over his shoulder.
Through the hole in the wall, he could see Tsunade yelling at the bartender. Or at least, he thought so; Tsunade’s mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear anything above the reverberating ringing in his head.
The bartender started piling bottles of sake in her arms, and she whirled around and stalked out. She didn’t bother with the door, just kicked the low sill of of wood that was all the was left of the wall out of her way and exited the bar in a similar manner to how Jiraiya’d just left. Only she was less bruised.
I can see this scene so clearly in my head. Jiraiya's slowly lifting up his head outside and it's cold and dark and raining, and through the whole in the wall, the bar is glowing with softly gold light and Tsunade is kind of waving her arms and yelling but you can't hear what she's saying and the bartender is scared to death and piling bottles of booze in her arms.
He put his hand against his head, blinked the black spots out of his eyes.
“You know I’m right,” he called at her as she stalked by. She stopped, her heels squelching down into the mud. A shudder ran down her back and then she continued walking away, not even bothering to look at him.
Originally, Tsunade was going to kick him while he was down. Now, I'm not saying she's too much of a goody-two-shoes to do this, because she isn't, but as my beta mentioned, it would've come across as cruel.
“You know it....” he said, and then the mud reached up and cradled his face.
When Jiraiya regained consciousness, one of his student’s gennin had slung one of Jiraiya’s arms over his shoulder and was half-dragging him up towards the hospital. Of course, none of Minato’s students were gennin anymore, but still, it was embarrassing. It was the rational, humorless one, too which just made it worse.
I'm not sure when I got the idea to bring in young!Kakashi and Rin. I think it was be groping after an ending and realizing that Jiraiya should probably get to the hospital. And the fact that it's Kakashi, crazy-elite shinobi who doesn't get punched through wall by his love interest (....at this point in the timeline) makes it worse. I imagine that even after Obito's death, it took Kakashi awhile to transition into the Kakashi we know and love. Especially when we consider that within.. I'm going to say eight years he lost Obito, Rin, and Minato. I think prior to their deaths he was much more serious, even after he prioritized his teammates over the mission, and then after they die and he's in ANBU he gradually starts being later and later and more foolish (in the older, like a wise fool, meaning) and picking up Obito's personality quirks.
Jiraiya spent the walk (and he was walking ....sort up) to the hospital debating whether or not it was better to get the soulless genius one or if the dead kid would have been a step up.
Just when he’d decided that the best of all would be Minato’s pretty girl with the shiny hair, there she was, bathed in the painfully bright light of the hospital and helping Hatake plop him down on the table.
“Let me give you some advice, children,” he slurred, as she administered a shot of something that made the whole world a better place.
“I brought you his teeth, Rin,” Hatake said, and dropped about five chunks of bone into her cupped hands.
“Thank you!” she glowed, like he’d given her diamonds. “That’ll make fixing him up so much easier.
Hatake evaded the happy look in her eyes by staring blankly at the poster advertising the importance of proper dental hygiene.
This, for me, is Kakashi and Rin's relationship in a nutshell. She loves him and he knows it and can't reciprocate. Also, notice how I call him 'Hakate' instead of 'Kakashi'? I did that because Jiraiya has a much more distanced perspective on Kakashi and I think it helps clarify that we're dealing with past-Kakashi and not current-timeline Kakashi. It affiliates him more strongly with his father.
“You’re both screwed,” he told them. “Totally screwed. Especially you,” he pointed at Rin.
She slapped his hand.
Medics were just so damn violent these days.
Notice the plurals? This is an incredibly oblique reference to not only Tsuande but Sakura as well.
teh_amazing_one . You can read the original version here.Okay, first off, this fic won over at naruto_contest, which I've happy about both because I think it's awesome and because I like winning.
The title is from a Oysterband song, and the lyrics just seemed to fic this fic: "And as for you, where were you, when I needed you? You just looked at me, like you see but you can't recall." Which seemed to fit this fics theme off trying to be there for someone and not managing it.
Jiraiya’d never liked Dan. The man just oozed sincerity. He didn’t drink, he didn’t gamble, and he looked at Tsunade like he hadn’t quite realized she was a woman.
This is all true. When Jiraiya is talking about writing I can actually see a lot of myself in him. I would have liked to talk writing-shop with him, but I'd have worn a turtleneck shirt. Anyway, my point is that Jiraiya is usually very, very easy to write for me.
A couple of glasses of sake and Jiraiya could work himself into a right strop about the fact that Tsunade had obviously been the one to make all the moves in that seduction - didn’t Dan have any pride as a man at all?
And he's honestly indignant about this - after all his effort, Dan gets Tsunade handed to him on a platter. Okay, he's more honestly jealous here.
And then the bastard had the fucking gall to die on her.
...but he really does love Tsunade, so he wants her to be happy, and he didn't want Dan to die.
A month and a half after Dan heroically saved the life of his teammate and completed his mission in one moronic swoop that ended with him bleeding out under Tsunade’s hands, Jiraiya stormed into one of Konoha’s sleazier bars.
He’d had a plan - something about training for old time’s sake or needing her to fix the cut across his palm or maybe even tossing her a line from his vast repertoire of irresistible come-ons when he saw her slumped in her stool, slowly and steadily sucking down rice wine.
Rational thought left Jiraiya with the speed of a horny housewife going for the hot gardener.
This line is here because between scrawling out half of my rough draft during Into to Fiction class, I went to the gym and 'Desperate Housewives" was on. That said, it is a metaphor Jiraiya would use in a heartbeat. (It's part of why I love writing him. The inner pervert gets to come out and play, and I get to use words like "pussy". Although I don't, in this particular fic.)
He strode across the bar, plucked her saucer out of her hand and did the dumbest thing he’d ever done in a lifetime of dumb decisions.
Jiraiya told Tsunade exactly how he felt.
“You need to fucking well knock the wallowing off,” he said, angry but not unkind. “You’re only this upset ‘cause Dan kicked the bucket while you were all lovely-dovey. If he’d lived another two weeks you would’ve gotten bored and broken up with him.”
This is also true. And while Jiraiya is wrong about the timeline, I do believe that Tsunade could have had a happily-ever-after with Dan, married him, and always had something subtly missing in her life. Actually, that would make a great AU...
Tsunade’s mouth dropped open.
She stared at him, her alcohol-soaked synapses clearly refusing to process his words.
Jiraiya focused on her mouth, the bit of tongue he could see behind her bottom teeth as tantalizing as a flash of nipple.
The bar was dead silent.
She sucked in a breath, hiccuped, tried to firm up her jaw and two traitorous little tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes.
Jiraiya opened his arms, reached for her.
This was perfect; he’d pull her into his arms and the abundance of her bosom would press into his hard chest. She’d lay her head on his wide and manly shoulder, sniffling weakly. He’s rock her back and forth and wouldn’t even try to cop a feel while she cried and clung to him and got over Dan and realized that she needed a strong, interesting guy in her bed, instead of losers who died on her.
This is the other reason I love writing Jiraiya. I get to let my melodramatic, romantic, inner 13-year-old writer come out and play. I am SURE that at some point I wrote the above scene straight.
Tsunade punched him so hard he shattered the far wall.
*giggle*
His body dug a furrow into the muddy ground when he landed in the street.
After he slid to a stop it took his body a long minute to remember how to breathe.
After another small ice age Jiraiya rolled to his hand and knees, spat quite a lot of blood and a couple teeth into the dark muck he was sprawled in, and looked over his shoulder.
Through the hole in the wall, he could see Tsunade yelling at the bartender. Or at least, he thought so; Tsunade’s mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear anything above the reverberating ringing in his head.
The bartender started piling bottles of sake in her arms, and she whirled around and stalked out. She didn’t bother with the door, just kicked the low sill of of wood that was all the was left of the wall out of her way and exited the bar in a similar manner to how Jiraiya’d just left. Only she was less bruised.
I can see this scene so clearly in my head. Jiraiya's slowly lifting up his head outside and it's cold and dark and raining, and through the whole in the wall, the bar is glowing with softly gold light and Tsunade is kind of waving her arms and yelling but you can't hear what she's saying and the bartender is scared to death and piling bottles of booze in her arms.
He put his hand against his head, blinked the black spots out of his eyes.
“You know I’m right,” he called at her as she stalked by. She stopped, her heels squelching down into the mud. A shudder ran down her back and then she continued walking away, not even bothering to look at him.
Originally, Tsunade was going to kick him while he was down. Now, I'm not saying she's too much of a goody-two-shoes to do this, because she isn't, but as my beta mentioned, it would've come across as cruel.
“You know it....” he said, and then the mud reached up and cradled his face.
When Jiraiya regained consciousness, one of his student’s gennin had slung one of Jiraiya’s arms over his shoulder and was half-dragging him up towards the hospital. Of course, none of Minato’s students were gennin anymore, but still, it was embarrassing. It was the rational, humorless one, too which just made it worse.
I'm not sure when I got the idea to bring in young!Kakashi and Rin. I think it was be groping after an ending and realizing that Jiraiya should probably get to the hospital. And the fact that it's Kakashi, crazy-elite shinobi who doesn't get punched through wall by his love interest (....at this point in the timeline) makes it worse. I imagine that even after Obito's death, it took Kakashi awhile to transition into the Kakashi we know and love. Especially when we consider that within.. I'm going to say eight years he lost Obito, Rin, and Minato. I think prior to their deaths he was much more serious, even after he prioritized his teammates over the mission, and then after they die and he's in ANBU he gradually starts being later and later and more foolish (in the older, like a wise fool, meaning) and picking up Obito's personality quirks.
Jiraiya spent the walk (and he was walking ....sort up) to the hospital debating whether or not it was better to get the soulless genius one or if the dead kid would have been a step up.
Just when he’d decided that the best of all would be Minato’s pretty girl with the shiny hair, there she was, bathed in the painfully bright light of the hospital and helping Hatake plop him down on the table.
“Let me give you some advice, children,” he slurred, as she administered a shot of something that made the whole world a better place.
“I brought you his teeth, Rin,” Hatake said, and dropped about five chunks of bone into her cupped hands.
“Thank you!” she glowed, like he’d given her diamonds. “That’ll make fixing him up so much easier.
Hatake evaded the happy look in her eyes by staring blankly at the poster advertising the importance of proper dental hygiene.
This, for me, is Kakashi and Rin's relationship in a nutshell. She loves him and he knows it and can't reciprocate. Also, notice how I call him 'Hakate' instead of 'Kakashi'? I did that because Jiraiya has a much more distanced perspective on Kakashi and I think it helps clarify that we're dealing with past-Kakashi and not current-timeline Kakashi. It affiliates him more strongly with his father.
“You’re both screwed,” he told them. “Totally screwed. Especially you,” he pointed at Rin.
She slapped his hand.
Medics were just so damn violent these days.
Notice the plurals? This is an incredibly oblique reference to not only Tsuande but Sakura as well.
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And I am tapping my fingers waiting for Sai to show up again.