5 Ships I'd Condemn To Oblivion (Only I Hate So Many Pairings I Kept Going)

[redbrunja]

deathmallow asked me about "5 ships you would condemn to oblivion and why."

Katara/Aang

I will never be over the writers reducing a vibrant, well-written, nuanced character to a voiceless prize for the hero who sacrificed nothing. The fact that this ship also cock-blocked my OTP is icing on the cake.

Dean/Castiel

If this pairing didn’t exist, Supernatural would have ended already, Jensen Ackles would be free to be in shows I want to watch again (i miss u, dark angel), instead of Supernatural continuing on in this queer-baiting, tumblr-consuming immortality.

Tim Drake/Jason Todd

(sorry, latenightcuppa)

It's not so much that I have a problem with this pairing as I desperately, desperately want Jason Todd het and I’m not a Tim Drake fan. Instead, I cannot help but come across Jason/Tim fics and art over and over and over again.

Since I know this distinction came up in the comments, it is not that I do not understand the APPEAL of Jason/Tim, its that it personally leaves me really cold. It’s like I’m sitting at a table and everything is coconut flavored and everyone else is stuffing chowing down and talking about how delicious it is and I’m sipping water. And then even the water is coconut flavored.

What I REALLY want to do is work some fandom black magic that replaces Tim Drake with Stephanie Brown.

GORGEOUS, WELL DRAWN BAT-FAMILY ART STARRING DICK, JASON, STEPHANIE AND DAMIAN!

DELIGHTFULLY PERFECT LINE ART WHERE STEPHANIE IS TWINED GRACEFULLY AROUND JASON WHILE HIS STRONG, BROAD HANDS REST ON HER BACK!

10,000 + WORD FANFICS ABOUT JASON AND STEPHANIE’S SLOW-BURN ROMANCE!

10,000+ WORD STEPHANIE/JASON HS AUS!

10,000+ WORD FANFICS ABOUT STEPHANIE AND JASON FIGHTING CRIME AND HAVING SEX!

Emma Swan/ Neal, Once Upon A Time

Ah, a pairing build around the idea of hetronormativity and the only real kind of family is blood-family and forgiveness.

Clint x Loki or Natasha x Loki, The Avengers

NO.

Bruce x Tony x Pepper, The Avengers

I see what you’re doing here. And unlike Steve x Tony x Pepper, which at least has the factor of ‘who WOULDN’T want to fuck Captain America’, Bruce x Tony x Pepper is just pretending you’re not breaking up an AWESOME canon het couple when you kind of are, PLUS you’re saddling Pepper with a dude who has all of Tony’s self-destructive tendencies and penchant for destruction with NONE of Tony’s positive traits (money, he comes with JARVIS, and he’s fucking hot).

Ben/Kitty, Kitty & The Midnight Hour

Kitty is a werewolf who has a romance (unconsummated but canon as fuck) with a werewolf hunter. Despite an initial meeting where he almost kills her, they end up working together (working WELL together), making each other better, stronger people. Instead of Kitty putting a ring on that dude, she ends up married to a guy because he’s a.) a werewolf and b.) not as much of a douchebag as the male werewolves she’s used to. But don’t be confused – this is still the guy who dismissed her feelings about traumatic experiences, didn’t publicize their relationship for as long as possible, and who she knew so poorly that it was only once they were engaged that she learned that he didn’t like music (she’s a DJ).

Laurel/Oliver, Arrow

Not only is this a boring relationship with zero chemistry that brings out the worst in Oliver and makes Laurel look weak, the Laurel needed to make this pairing exist is a complete insult to ANY of the comics-verse Black Canaries – either the original Dinah Drake, who posed as a criminal to fight crime or Dinah fucking Lance, who is such an epic badass she’s on a team with Oracle and such a skilled martial artist that Lady Shiva wanted to train her.

Ann x Chris, Parks and Rec

The show had fucking multiple episodes about why these two didn’t work as a couple (he wasn’t that into her, she loses herself in relationships) and now they’re only together because Ann wanted to get knocked up. (And don’t even get me started on all the rights that Ann is potentially giving up by getting pregnant with someone she knows.)

This is the relationship that is going to cause Ann to leave Pawnee?

Comments

[deathmallow.livejournal.com]

SPN: Didn't know that, thanks. All in all, it just sounds uncomfortable and like a show I really, really want to avoid. Because yeah, about all I see is Destiel stuff. 0_o

Hayhanna: You and me both. I'm pretty much retiring from fandom after I finish AFAF and unfortunately I think the ship is pretty much dead when I do. I don't quite get why everyone's into Johanna either being the "mistress" or just pining for Finnick or else being Katniss' "replacement" for Gale, I mean...any ship where you're automatically second place is not exactly ideal, and when there's more than one of them...argh. Johanna deserves so, so, so much better than to be someone's fallback.

Mmm, I agree they're very different from the book to the movie, but I don't see that as a good thing. They don't convey that Haymitch is majorly screwed up because of the Capitol, and that Effie is a willing Capitol collaborator, and that the idea of him falling in love with Effie is really kind of depressing, not amusing. It's like they dramatically softened both of them and kind of ripped their flawed core natures, and thus their major char journeys, out in order to make Haymitch just quippy and Effie just bubble-headed so that it could be a romcom-type thing. No thanks.

Darcy: Don't get me wrong, I'm far more amused at the idea of it as crack than actually into seeing it expressed as a ship, pretty much for the reasons you cite.

Although people could easily say that about Jane/Thor as well...? Seriously, I love Jane as a smart, assertive woman. But as a demigod and a superstrong tank, Thor will always be far, far, far more powerful than her physically and otherwise, and she'll always be at physical risk if he ever loses his temper or the like. Like it or not, good-natured as he may be or not, the ball will always be in his court to some degree and whether he consciously uses that or not. (IDK, personally I'm kind of more of a Sif/Thor fan because of the equality, but I'll certainly buy Sif/Loki for the same reasons.)

And in conclusion this is just a small part of why we need more lady superheroes.