5 Ships I'd Condemn To Oblivion (Only I Hate So Many Pairings I Kept Going)

[redbrunja]

deathmallow asked me about "5 ships you would condemn to oblivion and why."

Katara/Aang

I will never be over the writers reducing a vibrant, well-written, nuanced character to a voiceless prize for the hero who sacrificed nothing. The fact that this ship also cock-blocked my OTP is icing on the cake.

Dean/Castiel

If this pairing didn’t exist, Supernatural would have ended already, Jensen Ackles would be free to be in shows I want to watch again (i miss u, dark angel), instead of Supernatural continuing on in this queer-baiting, tumblr-consuming immortality.

Tim Drake/Jason Todd

(sorry, latenightcuppa)

It's not so much that I have a problem with this pairing as I desperately, desperately want Jason Todd het and I’m not a Tim Drake fan. Instead, I cannot help but come across Jason/Tim fics and art over and over and over again.

Since I know this distinction came up in the comments, it is not that I do not understand the APPEAL of Jason/Tim, its that it personally leaves me really cold. It’s like I’m sitting at a table and everything is coconut flavored and everyone else is stuffing chowing down and talking about how delicious it is and I’m sipping water. And then even the water is coconut flavored.

What I REALLY want to do is work some fandom black magic that replaces Tim Drake with Stephanie Brown.

GORGEOUS, WELL DRAWN BAT-FAMILY ART STARRING DICK, JASON, STEPHANIE AND DAMIAN!

DELIGHTFULLY PERFECT LINE ART WHERE STEPHANIE IS TWINED GRACEFULLY AROUND JASON WHILE HIS STRONG, BROAD HANDS REST ON HER BACK!

10,000 + WORD FANFICS ABOUT JASON AND STEPHANIE’S SLOW-BURN ROMANCE!

10,000+ WORD STEPHANIE/JASON HS AUS!

10,000+ WORD FANFICS ABOUT STEPHANIE AND JASON FIGHTING CRIME AND HAVING SEX!

Emma Swan/ Neal, Once Upon A Time

Ah, a pairing build around the idea of hetronormativity and the only real kind of family is blood-family and forgiveness.

Clint x Loki or Natasha x Loki, The Avengers

NO.

Bruce x Tony x Pepper, The Avengers

I see what you’re doing here. And unlike Steve x Tony x Pepper, which at least has the factor of ‘who WOULDN’T want to fuck Captain America’, Bruce x Tony x Pepper is just pretending you’re not breaking up an AWESOME canon het couple when you kind of are, PLUS you’re saddling Pepper with a dude who has all of Tony’s self-destructive tendencies and penchant for destruction with NONE of Tony’s positive traits (money, he comes with JARVIS, and he’s fucking hot).

Ben/Kitty, Kitty & The Midnight Hour

Kitty is a werewolf who has a romance (unconsummated but canon as fuck) with a werewolf hunter. Despite an initial meeting where he almost kills her, they end up working together (working WELL together), making each other better, stronger people. Instead of Kitty putting a ring on that dude, she ends up married to a guy because he’s a.) a werewolf and b.) not as much of a douchebag as the male werewolves she’s used to. But don’t be confused – this is still the guy who dismissed her feelings about traumatic experiences, didn’t publicize their relationship for as long as possible, and who she knew so poorly that it was only once they were engaged that she learned that he didn’t like music (she’s a DJ).

Laurel/Oliver, Arrow

Not only is this a boring relationship with zero chemistry that brings out the worst in Oliver and makes Laurel look weak, the Laurel needed to make this pairing exist is a complete insult to ANY of the comics-verse Black Canaries – either the original Dinah Drake, who posed as a criminal to fight crime or Dinah fucking Lance, who is such an epic badass she’s on a team with Oracle and such a skilled martial artist that Lady Shiva wanted to train her.

Ann x Chris, Parks and Rec

The show had fucking multiple episodes about why these two didn’t work as a couple (he wasn’t that into her, she loses herself in relationships) and now they’re only together because Ann wanted to get knocked up. (And don’t even get me started on all the rights that Ann is potentially giving up by getting pregnant with someone she knows.)

This is the relationship that is going to cause Ann to leave Pawnee?

Comments

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh, nothing in the world short of powerful black magic and ritual sacrifice is really going land me the Jason het fic I want. It’s just not going to happen, for reasons ranging from the dude-ness of the Batfamily to how fandom fandoms, to Jason’s bisexuality.

I know this. I just haven’t yet been able to convince myself of the truth of it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

(Also, it is SO WEIRD to see Jason with red hair. What was the artist THINKING?)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Remind me what crisis and pre-crisis mean again...?

ike "Bruce made me dye my hair to be more like Dick and now I'm going bald!!" literally making him the unwanted ginger child.

Oh come on. One, Bruce Wayne is not THAT MUCH of an asshole. Two, Bruce Wayne is in no way clear enough about what he really wants (vis a vis his children) to do something that explicit.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Post-crisis Jason is usually the Jason that everyone is talking about and knows and loves, and that's where his Crime Alley street rat origin story comes from.

You mean, ONE OF THE BEST INTRODUCTORY MOMENTS OF THE BATFAM?

Pre-crisis Jason was, unimaginatively, an acrobat just like Dick.

Ugh, lame we already have one of those.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Well, if you come across it, let me know.

[lady-with-cats.livejournal.com]

ann/chris urghhhhhh. *flames on the side of my face*

i had an inkling they would go back this way when ann decided to use someone she knew as a sperm donor, and i will forever believe that she should have gone with ron (IF ANYONE SHE KNEW IRL) over chris. because ron would be a good dad but also not demand things of her. ;________________; but ultimately we have to blame rashida jones's great career for taking off and leaving us (and leslie) without her. :((

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Like, I am happy for Rashida Jones but at the same time SO SAD SHE’S LEAVING and SO NOT OKAY with it being because of the baby.

I can’t imagine choosing any character over Ron for impregnation purposes. I mean, of the Parks options available. Because Ron, unlike Chris, would be able to get a woman knocked up and then leave her alone, only providing hand-made wooden furniture/cradles/beds/etc.

[mollivanders.livejournal.com]

The show had fucking multiple episodes about why these two didn’t work as a couple (he wasn’t that into her, she loses herself in relationships) and now they’re only together because Ann wanted to get knocked up. (And don’t even get me started on all the rights that Ann is potentially giving up by getting pregnant with someone she knows.)

SOOOOO MUUUUUCH HAAAAATE. I do not fucking understand why they are pushing this so hard. As much as I love Ron/Diane (Xena! Always!) I would have much preferred a storyline where Ron and Ann have a kid.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Sidenote, I am SO GLAD Lucy Lawless has not just vanished from Parks.

That said, wouldn’t we all have preferred Ron fathering Ann’s child. Wouldn’t we all.

[deathmallow.livejournal.com]

Dean/Castiel: I don't watch SN but the shit I see on Tumblr honestly scares me, and most of it is people freaking out about Destiel, and the way I hear fans basically demanding it from the actors at cons makes me really, really uncomfortable. Het or slash, the actors would probably rather talk about something about their chars besides who you "know" they should be fucking. I think I will never watch this show because of it.

Tim/Jason: I don't know Batcanon that well, but I like the idea of Jason/Stephanie. And trust me, I kind of understand your feeling about shouting into the void because I'm like MY KINGDOM FOR ANY HAYMITCH AND JOHANNA ART AND FICS RATHER THAN MORE OF THIS GROSS AND OFFENSIVE AND OOC HAYFFIE SHIT? ANYONE? ANYONE? NO?

Loki: I'm not really a fan of most Loki ships but I just had the random idea I'd almost like to see someone tackle the idea of Loki/Darcy just to test it, I have no idea how crack it could be. Because anytime he gets self-aggrandizing she'll just meet it with humor or the like rather than getting pissed off and sternly lecturing.

Ben/Kitty: Sounds not cool, another thing I need to not check out. :(

Ann/Chris: Ugh. I keep getting recs for P and R, but hearing that knocked it down the list a bit, not gonna lie.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I agree that there are a lot of rude, boundary-pushing slash fans with SPN… but I have a really hard time having any sympathy for cast, crew, and writers, considering that they have spent YEARS courting and encouraging the most rabid segment of their slash fanbase.

I feel you on needing more Haymitch/Johanna. I was really had that that didn’t take off as a fanon pairing, and instead everyone is into Finnick/Annie/Johanna or whatever.

I’m kind of weird, because I view book!Haymich and movie!Haymitch as two different characters, and I’d buy movie!Haymitch with Effie.

That said, here’s to hoping that Catching Fire leads to more people loving Johanna, which I would be ALL FOR.

There are a LOT of people who ship Darcy/Loki, I have no doubt you’ll be able to find fics I you want to see what people are doing with it. Personally, I am REALLY not a fan, because I cannot get over the power differential. Loki could kill Darcy so incredibly easily. One of the reasons that I ship Sif and Loki is that I feel like if Loki wanted to kill Sif, he’d have to really, really work for it, which isn’t true of Loki and any human, really.

I would not let the Ann/Chris relationship knock P&R down on your to-watch list. That is a tiny, tiny subplot you’re not going to even see a glimmer of until about five seasons in (and their previous relationship plays totally differently) and there is SO MUCH ELSE to love about P&R.

[deathmallow.livejournal.com]

SPN: Didn't know that, thanks. All in all, it just sounds uncomfortable and like a show I really, really want to avoid. Because yeah, about all I see is Destiel stuff. 0_o

Hayhanna: You and me both. I'm pretty much retiring from fandom after I finish AFAF and unfortunately I think the ship is pretty much dead when I do. I don't quite get why everyone's into Johanna either being the "mistress" or just pining for Finnick or else being Katniss' "replacement" for Gale, I mean...any ship where you're automatically second place is not exactly ideal, and when there's more than one of them...argh. Johanna deserves so, so, so much better than to be someone's fallback.

Mmm, I agree they're very different from the book to the movie, but I don't see that as a good thing. They don't convey that Haymitch is majorly screwed up because of the Capitol, and that Effie is a willing Capitol collaborator, and that the idea of him falling in love with Effie is really kind of depressing, not amusing. It's like they dramatically softened both of them and kind of ripped their flawed core natures, and thus their major char journeys, out in order to make Haymitch just quippy and Effie just bubble-headed so that it could be a romcom-type thing. No thanks.

Darcy: Don't get me wrong, I'm far more amused at the idea of it as crack than actually into seeing it expressed as a ship, pretty much for the reasons you cite.

Although people could easily say that about Jane/Thor as well...? Seriously, I love Jane as a smart, assertive woman. But as a demigod and a superstrong tank, Thor will always be far, far, far more powerful than her physically and otherwise, and she'll always be at physical risk if he ever loses his temper or the like. Like it or not, good-natured as he may be or not, the ball will always be in his court to some degree and whether he consciously uses that or not. (IDK, personally I'm kind of more of a Sif/Thor fan because of the equality, but I'll certainly buy Sif/Loki for the same reasons.)

And in conclusion this is just a small part of why we need more lady superheroes.

[phemyscira.livejournal.com]

I agree to all of these, even to the fandoms I do not belong to and never intend to enter. Particularly, this one:

If this pairing didn’t exist, Supernatural would have ended already, Jensen Ackles would be free to be in shows I want to watch again (i miss u, dark angel), instead of Supernatural continuing on in this queer-baiting, tumblr-consuming immortality.

I had enough of queer-baiting bull shit from Merlin.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Let me tell you, Supernatural is EVEN MORE queer-baity than Merlin.

[phemyscira.livejournal.com]

*shudders* Queer baiting AND sexism. Lovely. Why the fuck must female characters be killed off all the damn time in that show? I don't even watch it and I find it annoying!

I hear Atlantis, Merlin's spiritual successor also queer baits and hates women.

[deathmallow.livejournal.com]

Let me just put both of those on a list of "Things to not watch." Thanks!

[phemyscira.livejournal.com]

*does the fandom salute* No problem! If I can prevent someone from getting involved in a fandom that'll disappoint them, then I've done my job! At day I work, at night I fight bad fandoms.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Really? It looked so pretty on my tumblr dash.

[phemyscira.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Atlantis does look pretty, but I've resisted the urge to watch because the BBC's family drama shows have burned me one too many times (Sherlock, Doctor Who, Merlin) and one of the bloggers I follow who was highly invested in Merlin (because of the fabulous Gwen) reblogged this post critiquing the series from another viewer who is also socially conscious.

This was one person's opinion but I'd rather be safe than sorry till I hear more about this television series.

[jtrevizo-1013.livejournal.com]

Arrow's biggest failing was their Laurel casting. When Amell has scenes with her that look and feel like these two people just hate to be with one another and we're supposed to buy that they are the OTP, its a fail. On top of that, when you see Amell with everyone else and they have chemistry (I mean, you have people buying in on Thea/Oliver to Digg/Oliver to Quentin/Oliver for God's sake), you just have to shake your head and sigh that they screwed up so badly with the only relationship that IS canon and the 'core' relationship of the show.

But then when you introduce a character like Felicity that immediately is the opposite of the behavior and attitude of your 'lead actress' and works SO much better with your lead, you are asking for trouble...

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Even leaving aside the casting of Laurel, I cannot get over all the terrible choices they made when they were adapting that character to tv. It’s an insult to one of few really recognizable female superheroes with a long history behind her.

[quiet-rebel.livejournal.com]

I stopped reading the Kitty books after the fifth or sixth one (she was unfortunately becoming too much of a Mary Sue), but what I liked about Ben/Kitty was that it was totally unexpected for me. It would have been the predictable route to have the werewolf and werewolf hunter hook up, and I kept waiting for Vaughn to kill off Ben or something so Kitty and Cormac could get together, but then Kitty and Ben got married and then they became the Alphas of their pack, and it looks like Vaughn is keeping them together for the long haul. I like the UST and angst route much better when it comes to Kitty and Cormac.

Ditto on Ann and Chris. Yeah, Rashida and Rob are very pretty people, and they would make a beautiful child, but if she was ever going to leave the show, I wish it was for a different reason.

Double ditto on Laurel/Oliver. I think Laurel had more chemistry with Tommy (RIP), and everything about that entire relationship is built on lies. He cheated on her with her own sister. I don't buy into their "one true love" bit at all.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

but what I liked about Ben/Kitty was that it was totally unexpected for me. It would have been the predictable route to have the werewolf and werewolf hunter hook up, and I kept waiting for Vaughn to kill off Ben or something so Kitty and Cormac could get together,

I have to disagree. Just because something is unexpected doesn't mean it's automatically a good storytelling choice, and I never bought Ben and Kitty as a good pairing on their own merits. I was praying for Ben to be killed off.

[12-12-12.livejournal.com]

instead of Supernatural continuing on in this queer-baiting, tumblr-consuming immortality

LMAOOOOOO

The inevitability of Laurel/Oliver makes me hesitant to watch Arrow because I just know I'm going to fall hard for Oliver/Felicity and it will cause me nothing but pain, LOL.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

The inevitability of Laurel/Oliver makes me hesitant to watch Arrow because I just know I'm going to fall hard for Oliver/Felicity and it will cause me nothing but pain, LOL.

I can't argue with that logic.

[qualapec.livejournal.com]

As tolerant as I try to be, I also have a handful of ships that I just want to banish into oblivion. I understand your feelings 100%.

And greed about there needing to be Jason/Stephanie in the world. I love Jay/Tim for my tragedy fix (since I would never feel right about stories where Stephanie is taken by the Joker/dies and Jason suffers a lot) but I would love some nice, well-plotted JaySteph.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I love Jay/Tim for my tragedy fix (since I would never feel right about stories where Stephanie is taken by the Joker/dies and Jason suffers a lot)

Yeah, there's some unfortunate implications there. But how would you feel about Jason getting horribly killed by Black Mask (and know he's dead, roll with it) and Stephanie suffers a lot, kills Black Mask, is rejected by the bat-fam, and ends up taking Jason's place as the killer hero Gotham needs?

[qualapec.livejournal.com]

What I generally like about the idea of Jason losing his partner is the juxtaposition between the fact he was brought back and a lot of his arc is about relearning how to be a person, also the angst about whether he would bring that person back or not given how much he suffered for it. That being said ---

Yeah, there's some unfortunate implications there. But how would you feel about Jason getting horribly killed by Black Mask (and know he's dead, roll with it) and Stephanie suffers a lot, kills Black Mask, is rejected by the bat-fam, and ends up taking Jason's place as the killer hero Gotham needs?

A+ would read because I am also all about ladies losing the men they love!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

A+ would read because I am also all about ladies losing the men they love!

And you know me and ladies on revenge quests....

[deathmallow.livejournal.com]

Write this? Because I am so fucking sick of Women in Refrigerators, I cannot even tell you. Let's get some women avenging those they love.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Probably, not, because only you and qualapec would read it, but damn, I wish it existed already, so I could read it.

[mistaria.livejournal.com]

Forever bitter over Kataang for sure. I was hoping I could rec this season of Korra once it started but ep 3 was a slap in the face because we find out Aang was just as much of a douche as an adult and prioritized Tenzin (his only airbender child) over the rest of his family and traveled around with him doing fun things while leaving Katara at home with their other two babies. UGHHHHH I was having fucking Harry Potter epilogue flashbacks (where Ron acts like the same douche he's always been) and I wanted to barf and smash things!

Emma/Neal... Something I especially hate is that they have a really pretty song. I hate everything about this pairing.

And Ann and Chris--completely agree. Do a story where Lucy Xena Lawless is pregnant with Ron fucking Swanson's kid and I am totally on board for that (I mean baby plots aren't my fav but I think there's interesting things they can do with it) but Chris getting Ann pregnant is a disappointing plot for me. And I really don't want Ann to leave Leslie. ::sulks:: The only way I could see liking a knocked up Ann plot line is if she'd gotten a donor from the sperm bank and did it herself + Leslie being the best auntie ever!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I was hoping I could rec this season of Korra once it started but ep 3 was a slap in the face because we find out Aang was just as much of a douche as an adult and prioritized Tenzin (his only airbender child) over the rest of his family and traveled around with him doing fun things while leaving Katara at home with their other two babies.

Pretty much nothing could have gotten me to watch Korra and after hearing that, ABSOLUTELY nothing could have gotten me to watch Korra. God, that is EXACTLY the opposite of what I want for Katara. EXACTLY.

Emma/Neal... Something I especially hate is that they have a really pretty song.

Insult to injury!

The only way I could see liking a knocked up Ann plot line is if she'd gotten a donor from the sperm bank and did it herself + Leslie being the best auntie ever!

I would have preferred that as well. "Sadly, we are both heterosexual."