Just.... No.

[redbrunja]

Breasts are lovely things and there are many nice, hot things you can do with boobs in an R-rated fic.

However, when writing smut, you should never, ever, ever have a line like

"He nursed on her breast like a starving infant."

Because I don't care how hot things were before, now they're in a creepy pedophilic place and there's just no regaining that spark.

First, when writing a sex scene, don't go from a 'lover' place to a 'mother-child' place- I don't even care if you're writing incest (which this wasn't).

Secondly, 'nursing a breast' (pauses to let brain implode) wouldn't feel that sexy, imho. Or at least, it sounds the utter opposite of sexy. Nuzzle a breast. Nibble a breast. Hell you can bite, suck, lave, pinch, tease a breast.

Just don't nurse one, unless you're actually an infant and need milk for sustenance.

Also, a grown man should not be doing anything to his bedmate 'like a starving infant.'

Comments

[finnedartist.livejournal.com]

Completely agreed. >_

[brinylon.livejournal.com]

EW! Ewewewewewew!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY MY RESPONSE!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

If you're worried about the things I'm reading, maybe you should be helpful and create decent Saiyuki het fanfic!

The author suckered my in! 'Kou/Yaone NC-17 fanfic' the summery said, in words correctly spelled, and I'm like "Yaone having sex, okay!" and then I'm reading and reading and it's.... mediocre but beggars can't be choosers and then OHMYGODPAIN!

(and don't even try to complain about what I read, little miss slash-tastic girl.

(also, your icon is awesome and very a propos.)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

That seems to be the consensus.

I'm now wondering 1.) why the author ever thought that line would be a good idea, 2.) what beta reader didn't catch that that line was squicky and 3.) if there wasn't a beta reader, did the author not reread what she wrote before posting?

[azurehart.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, having a beta only works if the author in question takes his/her advice.

[pretentioustfu.livejournal.com]

What if the character in question has a canonical Oedipus complex?

[penguinsteps.livejournal.com]

Ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwwww @_@

[mjules.livejournal.com]

Oooo, you have a point.

Which still makes it squicky, but at that point it becomes character development. Hmmm.

[mjules.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

*dies again*

That's a horrible line. But you know, I've experienced it once before... out loud, in an autobiographical narrative. Wanna talk about *squick* - listen to a full grown man say "I remember nursing at my mother's breast, and I've spent a good many hours trying to get that feeling back."

EEWWWWWWW.

[wishforhome.livejournal.com]

I think you've scarred me for life. Thanks. Really.

Oh, god, ew.

[lightprincess89.livejournal.com]

I like you, like to read some decent het smut every so often. But that is just gross. *shudders* But alot of it isn't done as tastefully anymore. *sigh*

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've read some on the bad lines on fanficrants but never had I had such a verceral, ohmygodwrong reaction as I did with this one.

I miss being in a fandom with good smut.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I guess I should have put some more warnings on this.

I bet your scars now match mine. ^_^

Actually, when I posted this I was lying in bed, unable to sleep and I was like, 'I should do something so I'm no just lying here' and then I got up and posted this little rant.

I've never before read writing so bad it kept me from sleep.

[wishforhome.livejournal.com]

It's not that I don't like smut, because I do, but I mean... seriously. That probably makes the 'Oh, god, so gross' factor even worth, because the next time I read smut with boobs in it, I'm going to think of that! Damn you!

[wishforhome.livejournal.com]

Even worse. Damn it.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

Did any of his sexual parterns know this? Because that would send me running for the door so frickin' fast....

Ew. At the time, I couldn't find the funny; I was too busy dealing with painful mental whiplash.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

It's even worse when you're not braced for it.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Actually, he did, but there are a time and a way to slip in lines that make the reader suspect that all is not quite as mentally healthy as it seems, and this fic was not it. This fic was all fluffy and lovey-dovey and then we have this line that washes all the fluffy away. (And I could tell it wasn't intentional.)

Also, I defy you to find a well-written fic, even one dealing with incest themes, where 'he nursed her breast like a starving infant is a good line,' because my imagination can't handle that.

[penguinsteps.livejournal.com]

I can imagine. Forget getting stopped in your tracks. More like shot O___o

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

True.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I think you should have warned be before YOU dragged me into Saiyuki that the fandom would have no het- I would have though a lot harder before diving in to play with the pretties.

(the fanfiction I read does not contain such evil!)

Oh, like hell! Are you telling me that after your love of badfic + your love of slash you've never run into self-lubing asses or staring soulfully into each other's eyes while in the midst of penetration or.... I don't know, I'm sure there's a line just as disturbing in slash fanfic!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

That was pretty much my response.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I do that all the time.

That's why I put all the nice, hot, words that should be used afterwards! I don't want to ruin smut with boobs! I just want breasts to be treated as they deserve. (Bite gently, people! Bite gently and then move on to something else! That is hot.)

[wishforhome.livejournal.com]

Okay, yes. Mm, biting.

Seriously. I need to go study.