Just.... No.

[redbrunja]

Breasts are lovely things and there are many nice, hot things you can do with boobs in an R-rated fic.

However, when writing smut, you should never, ever, ever have a line like

"He nursed on her breast like a starving infant."

Because I don't care how hot things were before, now they're in a creepy pedophilic place and there's just no regaining that spark.

First, when writing a sex scene, don't go from a 'lover' place to a 'mother-child' place- I don't even care if you're writing incest (which this wasn't).

Secondly, 'nursing a breast' (pauses to let brain implode) wouldn't feel that sexy, imho. Or at least, it sounds the utter opposite of sexy. Nuzzle a breast. Nibble a breast. Hell you can bite, suck, lave, pinch, tease a breast.

Just don't nurse one, unless you're actually an infant and need milk for sustenance.

Also, a grown man should not be doing anything to his bedmate 'like a starving infant.'

Comments

[finnedartist.livejournal.com]

Completely agreed. >_

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

That seems to be the consensus.

I'm now wondering 1.) why the author ever thought that line would be a good idea, 2.) what beta reader didn't catch that that line was squicky and 3.) if there wasn't a beta reader, did the author not reread what she wrote before posting?

[azurehart.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, having a beta only works if the author in question takes his/her advice.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

If you're worried about the things I'm reading, maybe you should be helpful and create decent Saiyuki het fanfic!

The author suckered my in! 'Kou/Yaone NC-17 fanfic' the summery said, in words correctly spelled, and I'm like "Yaone having sex, okay!" and then I'm reading and reading and it's.... mediocre but beggars can't be choosers and then OHMYGODPAIN!

(and don't even try to complain about what I read, little miss slash-tastic girl.

(also, your icon is awesome and very a propos.)

[brinylon.livejournal.com]

EW! Ewewewewewew!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY MY RESPONSE!

[pretentioustfu.livejournal.com]

What if the character in question has a canonical Oedipus complex?

[mjules.livejournal.com]

Oooo, you have a point.

Which still makes it squicky, but at that point it becomes character development. Hmmm.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

There's squicky yet hot incharacter smut.

This was not it. I maintain my position that that line should never be used unless one of the character is actually an infant.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Actually, he did, but there are a time and a way to slip in lines that make the reader suspect that all is not quite as mentally healthy as it seems, and this fic was not it. This fic was all fluffy and lovey-dovey and then we have this line that washes all the fluffy away. (And I could tell it wasn't intentional.)

Also, I defy you to find a well-written fic, even one dealing with incest themes, where 'he nursed her breast like a starving infant is a good line,' because my imagination can't handle that.

[pretentioustfu.livejournal.com]

Agreed. though I've written Vash in Trigun as dreaming of Rem like that, though without such a sucky line *no pun intended,* though his Oedipal issues aren't incest in that she was his teacher/guardian, they weren't even of the same species, and in manga canon, he's dreamed of her as a naked angel, so. . .

HTML hates on me today.

[penguinsteps.livejournal.com]

Ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwwww @_@

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

It's even worse when you're not braced for it.

[mjules.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

*dies again*

That's a horrible line. But you know, I've experienced it once before... out loud, in an autobiographical narrative. Wanna talk about *squick* - listen to a full grown man say "I remember nursing at my mother's breast, and I've spent a good many hours trying to get that feeling back."

EEWWWWWWW.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

Did any of his sexual parterns know this? Because that would send me running for the door so frickin' fast....

Ew. At the time, I couldn't find the funny; I was too busy dealing with painful mental whiplash.

[wishforhome.livejournal.com]

I think you've scarred me for life. Thanks. Really.

Oh, god, ew.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I guess I should have put some more warnings on this.

I bet your scars now match mine. ^_^

Actually, when I posted this I was lying in bed, unable to sleep and I was like, 'I should do something so I'm no just lying here' and then I got up and posted this little rant.

I've never before read writing so bad it kept me from sleep.

[lightprincess89.livejournal.com]

I like you, like to read some decent het smut every so often. But that is just gross. *shudders* But alot of it isn't done as tastefully anymore. *sigh*

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've read some on the bad lines on fanficrants but never had I had such a verceral, ohmygodwrong reaction as I did with this one.

I miss being in a fandom with good smut.

[reopened-wound.livejournal.com]

Just....no.


That's all I have to say....

Mwaa* ♥ ♥

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Boobs are not made for sucking, unless you're actually under that age of 1 years old.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

So much so.

I like breasts- in fact, I even have a pair, and while I sometimes get annoyed with the focus on them in smut fics, never have breasts combined with a deeply unfortunate verb so scarred my soul.