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BRB LOL-ing 4ever
Okay, so the Literary Review has a Bad Sex In Fiction Award that is an attempt to: 'draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it'.
The shortlisted passages are here.
The best, and by 'best' I mean most atrocious (imho) is this one:
The green cock plunged in and out of the abundant naked body sprawled beneath it, slow at first, then faster and harder, then harder still, and all of Tracy's curves and hollows moved in unison with it. This was not soft porn. This was no longer two unclothed women caressing and kissing on a bed. There was something primitive about it now, this woman-on-woman violence, as though, in the room filled with shadows, Pegeen were a magical composite of shaman, acrobat, and animal. It was as if she were wearing a mask on her genitals, a weird totem mask, that made her into what she was not and was not supposed to be. She could as well have been a crow or a coyote, while simultaneously Pegeen Mike.
There was something dangerous about it. His heart thumped with excitement - the god Pan looking on from a distance with his spying, lascivious gaze.
It was English that Pegeen spoke when she looked over from where she was, now resting on her back beside Tracy, combing the little black cat-o'-nine-tails through Tracy's long hair, and, with that kid-like smile that showed her two front teeth, said to him softly, 'Your turn. Defile her.' She took Tracy by one shoulder, whispered 'Time to change masters,' and gently rolled the stranger's large, warm body toward his.
~~~~
I think it's the bonus gender and sexuality fail on top of the bad writing that really makes this passage for me.
The shortlisted passages are here.
The best, and by 'best' I mean most atrocious (imho) is this one:
The green cock plunged in and out of the abundant naked body sprawled beneath it, slow at first, then faster and harder, then harder still, and all of Tracy's curves and hollows moved in unison with it. This was not soft porn. This was no longer two unclothed women caressing and kissing on a bed. There was something primitive about it now, this woman-on-woman violence, as though, in the room filled with shadows, Pegeen were a magical composite of shaman, acrobat, and animal. It was as if she were wearing a mask on her genitals, a weird totem mask, that made her into what she was not and was not supposed to be. She could as well have been a crow or a coyote, while simultaneously Pegeen Mike.
There was something dangerous about it. His heart thumped with excitement - the god Pan looking on from a distance with his spying, lascivious gaze.
It was English that Pegeen spoke when she looked over from where she was, now resting on her back beside Tracy, combing the little black cat-o'-nine-tails through Tracy's long hair, and, with that kid-like smile that showed her two front teeth, said to him softly, 'Your turn. Defile her.' She took Tracy by one shoulder, whispered 'Time to change masters,' and gently rolled the stranger's large, warm body toward his.
~~~~
I think it's the bonus gender and sexuality fail on top of the bad writing that really makes this passage for me.
no subject
The boat metaphors are especially horrid.
She holds him tight and squeezes her body to his, sending delightful sailing boats tacking to and fro across the ocean of his back. With her fingertips she sends foam-flecked waves scurrying over his skin...
What does that even mean? Delightful sailing boats? What sensation is he trying to convey with that?
(Also, protip, BOATS DO NOT HAVE SEISMOGRAPHS. What with spending most of their time on the WATER and all. Though since his hero is playing the piano on a squirrel a few sentences later, maybe I should just chalk that one up to the general metaphor blizzard.)
no subject
I know! It was like, what the hell? What the fucking hell?
Though since his hero is playing the piano on a squirrel a few sentences later, maybe I should just chalk that one up to the general metaphor blizzard.
Any metaphor in a storm.