redbrunja: (Pwned)
redbrunja ([personal profile] redbrunja) wrote2009-11-28 12:48 pm
Entry tags:

BRB LOL-ing 4ever

Okay, so the Literary Review has a Bad Sex In Fiction Award that is an attempt to: 'draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it'.

The shortlisted passages are here.

The best, and by 'best' I mean most atrocious (imho) is this one:

The green cock plunged in and out of the abundant naked body sprawled beneath it, slow at first, then faster and harder, then harder still, and all of Tracy's curves and hollows moved in unison with it. This was not soft porn. This was no longer two unclothed women caressing and kissing on a bed. There was something primitive about it now, this woman-on-woman violence, as though, in the room filled with shadows, Pegeen were a magical composite of shaman, acrobat, and animal. It was as if she were wearing a mask on her genitals, a weird totem mask, that made her into what she was not and was not supposed to be. She could as well have been a crow or a coyote, while simultaneously Pegeen Mike.

There was something dangerous about it. His heart thumped with excitement - the god Pan looking on from a distance with his spying, lascivious gaze.

It was English that Pegeen spoke when she looked over from where she was, now resting on her back beside Tracy, combing the little black cat-o'-nine-tails through Tracy's long hair, and, with that kid-like smile that showed her two front teeth, said to him softly, 'Your turn. Defile her.' She took Tracy by one shoulder, whispered 'Time to change masters,' and gently rolled the stranger's large, warm body toward his.

~~~~

I think it's the bonus gender and sexuality fail on top of the bad writing that really makes this passage for me.

[identity profile] qualapec.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
This scene is confused.

[identity profile] superduperotaku.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
O_o

What in holy hell was THAT? Don't people have editors to look at this stuff? Please don't tell me this was in an actual published novel...

[identity profile] the-sun-is-up.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 09:15 pm (UTC)(link)
WHAT.

[identity profile] manonlechat.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 09:17 pm (UTC)(link)
whimper.

[identity profile] yumi-maki.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't even - know what I just read. What?

[identity profile] nimblnymph.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Actually, this doesn't make me wanna join a nunnery.

It makes me wanna crank out some DECENT porn. For the love of god ... what the hell is that?

I'm stealing this for a project, by the way.

[identity profile] sureasdawn.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahaha! I had to re-upload this icon just for this comment. So lolarious.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Your icon IS perfect for this post.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:33 pm (UTC)(link)

It makes me wanna crank out some DECENT porn.


Sweet! I have to admit, this was the WRONG thing to read right before my boyfriend came over.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Your icon is perfect.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Can't say I didn't warn you.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Just so.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:35 pm (UTC)(link)
ALL of them were from actual published novels - lit fiction, to boot.

[identity profile] redbrunja.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:35 pm (UTC)(link)
So were the writers, I assume.

[identity profile] teh-amazing-one.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:47 pm (UTC)(link)
DO IT.
Edited 2009-11-29 00:00 (UTC)

[identity profile] hungrytiger11.livejournal.com 2009-11-28 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
What. just...wait, what?

Genetalia should never have faces OR masks.

Well, this should probably have never been written either but still...WHAT?

[identity profile] obsessive0514.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
Erm....

What?

What just happened? I can't even tell if this is slash or het or both and WTF "Defile her"? Pan? Srsly, wut?

[identity profile] teh-amazing-one.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
Wait, genitalia aren't supposed to have faces? But I brought markers!

MARKERS!!

Can you tell that I've discovered more coding tricks?

[identity profile] greynonentity.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
Wait, why is the cock green?

I dunno, I don't think this piece is as bad as that one fanfic where Snape has a "thick, enchanted cucumber." Although, it's really hard to best fanfic writers for bad smut. Published authors have a thing or two to learn about really bad smut-making.

Also, what an awesome award. XDDD

-Kowareta

[identity profile] nimblnymph.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
HAHAHAHA!!! I love the subliminal message.

[identity profile] nimblnymph.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:26 am (UTC)(link)
GAH!!! It's official now?!

*is a squeeing mess*

Oh, red, that is SO AWESOME!

[identity profile] okroginator.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:30 am (UTC)(link)
what is even going on i don't even

*images of people with Polynesian masks over their crotches* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[identity profile] cynchick.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
anyone else notice that most of the authors were men? shocking.

[identity profile] nimblnymph.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 12:41 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't, but that is too funny. Trust them to personify the penis.

[identity profile] teh-amazing-one.livejournal.com 2009-11-29 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
Here I thought you'd prefer explicit conversations...

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