redbrunja | I Don't Want To Know What I'm Capable Of

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I Don't Want To Know What I'm Capable Of

So, the combination of reading Side Jobs while my mom is reading Dragon Bones made me realize another one of my bulletproof kinks: people who are LEGITIMATELY* afraid of what they're capable of and struggle with where their moral lines are.

Examples would be: Harry Dresden; Ward of Hurog; Alexandra Udinov, daughter of Nikolai Udinov (BANG. BANG.) (I'm on the fence about The Doctor.)

What do you think of this trope? Who are your favorite characters who embody it? Tell me in the comments.

*By which I mean, it's not just that these characters have moral qualms but have to actively safeguard themselves against being as bad as the people they're fighting. So I would argue that Sarah Coner wouldn't apply but Raylan Givens is SO MUCH THIS. And yes, I have noticed that it is a VERY male-dominated trope.

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I think this is a tough trope to pull off without seeming preachy. I want to like it, but often don't because of the way the narrative is handled. I need to feel like the character(s) are honestly struggling and don't just BELIEVE they're capable of awful things but KNOW they are because they've actually done those terrible things. And I need the narrative to back off, and let me interpret the character and his or her morality, rather than shoving what's GOOD and what's BAD down my throat.

Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin is probably still my favorite use of this trope, at least in the first couple of arcs. Though, to be fair, it's been years since I read or watched the series, so I might not feel as compelled by it as I did when I was younger. For example, it's shounen and I know it doesn't get quite as dark with his struggle as I might prefer it now. But I remember honestly feeling his struggle as someone who had killed extensively in a war at a young age and who never wanted to let himself return to that state of mind. And I also felt it was honestly HIS struggle for HIS reasons, rather than the narrative defining what's righteous and pushing him in a certain direction. So I think it was handled well considering the target demographic.

There's also Xena, who I think worked the trope pretty well for awhile, but only for the first couple of seasons, really. Once the writers started bringing in Christian mythology and themes into the series I very quickly got fed up. Which is unfortunate, in retrospect, because like you said it's usually a male dominated trope and it was nice to see it used with a female character.

Yes, excellent point about Xena. Although, one of the main running themes was Xena's redemption so I think it does make sense that eventually Xena would have had to move past the moral struggle, and thus, the trope, as the series progressed.

No, I love redemption story lines. Rurouni Kenshin is a ultimately a redemption story and he eventually starts to move past the trope of struggling with himself, too. Redemption wasn't my issue with Xena. What bothered me about Xena was that it got preachy with religion...specifically with the use of Christian themes. It was set in ancient Greece, Christianity was entirely unnecessary for her redemption (and don't even get me started on what they did to Callisto).

I love redemption stories too. I think I do remember a little about Rurouni Kenshin..

Yes, omg yes, I agree! That bothered me as well, my family found the history!warp hilarious (I think by then it was a matter of trying to figure out what to do with the series and leveling up the issues from a personal to a univeral level before wrapping up the series) but I watched the whole series faithfully until the end anyway and enjoyed those episodes for the costume designs and the surprise!AU factor. XD

I gotta say..I love the Eastern culture influence in the series.

Dear God...Callisto...

Nevertheless, Xena was an awesome character ♥

(I don't have any Xena icons, so here's a Wonder Woman one :D)

Yeah, I loved Xena and a lot of the other characters in the show. I continued watching it even after I started finding aspects of it offensive because I loved so many of the characters. I did finally quit around the last season, though. And the time warp actually bothered me a lot, I was just like "What is this, this doesn't even make sense."

But I think overall, it was a good show, and very feminist for the time (and, actually, I watched a bunch of episodes from the first couple of seasons again not long ago and thought it held up pretty well).

And Callisto is one of my favorite villains ever. She was crazy and evil and yet extremely well motivated and I thought she was given a lot of depth (by the actress if not by the writers). She was so amazing, but the way they handled her in season 5 bothered me SO MUCH because she had no agency in her own redemption. And I mean I wouldn't have minded a redemption story for her, but the way they actually did it just felt cheap.

I loved Callisto, particularly because she was the only villian who could stand toe to toe with Xena and not buckle like a infatuated war god. I agree that it was the actress who portrayed her so well that gave Callisto her character depth and not the writers. Yeah, Callisto's redepmtion was not among my favorite parts of the series, but I think that by then the whole arc was catering to something that was just too big to pull off well with that one scene.

If there was one itty bitty thing I would have changed about Callisto, it would have been the constant and extremely apparent psychological imbalance. I think that part of Callisto's character was wayyy overdone. Imagine how much more terrifying Callisto would have been if it was harder to predict when her insanity would manifest? XD

I think that aspect of Callisto's character would bother me more if it weren't for pretty much the entire series being overdone. I mean, most of the characters were over the top in some way. So I feel like she fit right in with that. If she'd been too subtle I'm not sure it would have worked as well.

Hmm..this is an excellent point!

And Callisto is one of my favorite villains ever. She was crazy and evil and yet extremely well motivated and I thought she was given a lot of depth (by the actress if not by the writers).

Word. I adored Callisto as a kid- way more than any other villain on the show. Her back story was definitely the most heartfelt, or at least it resonated with me the best at the age I was...

Yeah, she was one of the first villains I really found both entertaining and compelling. She was one of the best parts of the show, really.

I definitely prefer her almost all the other non-regular characters ~~Aphrodite~~.

I need to feel like the character(s) are honestly struggling and don't just BELIEVE they're capable of awful things but KNOW they are because they've actually done those terrible things. And I need the narrative to back off, and let me interpret the character and his or her morality,

Agreed. One reason I think that Harry Dresden works so well for this is that he DOES do massively questionable things, is sometimes questioned by characters in text YET THE TEXT ITSELF is pretty much entirely supportive of him.

There's also Xena, who I think worked the trope pretty well for awhile, but only for the first couple of seasons, really. Once the writers started bringing in Christian mythology and themes into the series I very quickly got fed up. Which is unfortunate,

So unfortunate. My mom and I were SO disappointed with Xena when the writers started writing 'on the bad crack' as we phrased it. I have never even seen the last couple of seasons.

So unfortunate. My mom and I were SO disappointed with Xena when the writers started writing 'on the bad crack' as we phrased it. I have never even seen the last couple of seasons.

I think I watched quite a bit of season 5, but might have quit around the midseason break, because I don't think I saw the end of that season and I know I didn't watch season 6. Though I caught bits and pieces of a couple of episodes and facepalm'd a lot. It really is unfortunate because the first couple of seasons were so strong, but then all of a sudden it was like "wait, what are they doing?"

Yeah... I wish American television didn't have such a push for more and longer seasons. So many shows would have been so much better and so much more consistent if creators could and did go 'we have a one-season/two season/three season story' and just left it at that.

I agree. I think there have been quite a few shows that would have benefited from having a limited number of seasons or a limited number of episodes, rather than just dragging on and on.

Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin is probably still my favorite use of this trope, at least in the first couple of arcs.

And does he *ever* have to actually work at it- excellent example!

He did! I love how much he had to fight himself, especially in the Kyoto arc. It was great.

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I Don't Want To Know What I'm Capable Of

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