Two Things That I Do Not Think Work In Fic, Ever

[redbrunja]

"..."

In your fanfic "..." just looks dumb.

Yes, manga uses it all the time but manga is a visual medium. Fanfic is not. It works in manga because not only do you have dot dot dot, you also (usually) have the character's facial expression, posture, and (often) what they're reacting to in the very same panel as '...'.

When you're writing fanfic, using "..." makes me think you're a.) too dumb or b.) too lazy to tell us how the character reacted. Are they blinking in shock, is their mouth open, are they staring blank-faced ahead, what?

cum

I hate this word. A lot of smut writes who I otherwise enjoy use it and every time the misspelling comes up on my screen, I flinch inside.

First of all, it's just an ugly word.

'Cum' just reminds me too much of 'scum' which makes me think of something I should scrap off my boots after I visit a dive bar. And hey, maybe that's your intention - gritty, dirty, ugly sex between characters who hate each other. To which I say, please show me through setting and action that it's gritty, dirty, ugly sex (and also, vocabulary like fuck, rough, and cunt which, while not exclusively the province of gritty, dirty, ugly sex is definitely on the 'realistic' side of the metaphor/realistic smut scale).

Besides which, whenever I see the word 'cum' I am invariable reminded of fanfics with lines like, "'So, do you like it Ruff, Hermione," said Draco.' Which 1.) is a direct quote from a fanfic I read long, long ago and 2.) I'm very sorry for making you read that.

Lastly, misspelling 'come' to make it clear we're referring to someone's climax is unnecessary.

I am very good at context clues. For example, I can easily tell the difference between 'Sasuke comes into the entryway' and 'Sasuke arrives home in time to see Kakashi pounding himself into Sakura as they fuck against the wall; Kakashi's fingers digging into her hips and face contorting as he comes.'

Comments

[devimelete.livejournal.com]

When you're writing fanfic, using "..." makes me think you're a.) too dumb or b.) too lazy to tell us how the character reacted. Are they blinking in shock, is their mouth open, are they staring blank-faced ahead, what?

Good point. I'll admit I've been guilty of that once or twice in a Animorphs fic I once wrote that was completely based on dialog and nothing else. But still, at time I chalked it up to the fact that the whole '...' is pretty funny to look at, either at manga or at text.


'Sasuke arrives home in time to see Kakashi pounding himself into Sakura as they fuck against the wall; Kakashi's fingers digging into her hips and face contorting as he comes.'

Oh god, as much as I am not a fan of Sasuke, I really wouldn't want him to run into a situation that involves his old sensei having sex. (With anybody for that matter.) I don't think Sasuke doesn't want to think Kakashi like that. When he does, I bet his immediate reaction would be, "Okay, I'm leaving now I have to bleach my brain that after seening Kakashi having sex."

Then he'll do a double-take and say, "With SAKURA?!"

Oh Sasuke. So slow on the upbringing.

[anat-astarte.livejournal.com]

I bet his immediate reaction would be, "Okay, I'm leaving now I have to bleach my brain that after seening Kakashi having sex."

*beams* Yup, that's exactly how I see him reacting too! :DD

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

See, I enjoy torturing Sasuke too much for that not to be a hilarious image in my mind.

[anat-astarte.livejournal.com]

'Cum' just reminds me too much of 'scum' which makes me think of something I should scrap off my boots after I visit a dive bar.

*nodsnodnods* OMG yes, I feel the same way! This word is so completely unsexy to me that I don't even want to look at it, even in well written scenes with hot gritty, dirty, ugly sex.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Isn't it just? I find it incredibly unsexy.

[wicked-seraph.livejournal.com]

THIS. I thought I was the only one who cringed when I saw it spelled like that!

[macchiatoh.livejournal.com]

Lastly, misspelling 'come' to make it clear we're referring to someone's climax is unnecessary.

Amen to that. I hate it when I'm reading smut that seems pretty good, and then, BAM "Cum for me, Sakura." I'm just like wtf, wryyy *eyes bleed*

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

AND IT'S HAPPENED SO VERY MANY TIMES!!!!

[txilar.livejournal.com]

Lastly, misspelling 'come' to make it clear we're referring to someone's climax is unnecessary.

Oooh I agree. I hate the 'cum' spelling. What I hate even worse is when an author uses both, like there are two different levels of it that they need to differentiate. ugh.

As for dotdotdot, I don't mind it, but I think you make a great point about the visual impact it implies, and begs for.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oooh I agree. I hate the 'cum' spelling. What I hate even worse is when an author uses both, like there are two different levels of it that they need to differentiate. ugh.


*snerk* Now I'm imaging a character complaining about the quality of orgasm she received.

"Like, I came, but I didn't CUM you know? So get your head back down there."

[cynchick.livejournal.com]

Lol. So true.

I think, maybe, Ive been guilty of "..." in early writing, but I certainly wouldnt do it now. In visual media like manga its meant to show that theyre thinking, but not speaking said thoughts, usually because theyre stunned silent or WTFing. But in text theres really no excuse to not explain it.

And I think "cum" is meant to be a slang for the actual seminal substance, not the act of "coming", but it all gets confused.

Yeah...I dont use vulgar porny words in my smut. I find them to be unsexy and distracting from the hotness. I dont even use common words for genetalia other than mild things like man/womanhood, member...lol. I think I used cock once, but I was writing deliberately raunchy. There was one author in particular, angel-puppeteer, who wrote extremely graphic lemons, and graphicness of them wasnt what was bad, but she used such vulgar word choice, like "finger-fucking" and other nastiness, like fluids oozing out of holes and such. It was such a turn off to what was an interesting fic. I stopped reading.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

In visual media like manga its meant to show that theyre thinking, but not speaking said thoughts, usually because theyre stunned silent or WTFing. But in text theres really no excuse to not explain it.

*nods* It works in manga, but in written fiction, it just doesn't give the reader enough information to visualize, imho.

And I think "cum" is meant to be a slang for the actual seminal substance, not the act of "coming", but it all gets confused.

This is true. Most of the time, now, I see it as 'cum for me' or 'i'm cumming' and it's just... does. not. work. And even if you're looking for a word for semen.... there are much better words to use!

I find them to be unsexy and distracting from the hotness. I dont even use common words for genetalia other than mild things like man/womanhood, member...lol. I think I used cock once, but I was writing deliberately raunchy.

See, for me it depends. I honestly find words that are a little bit more earthy sexier than smut that gets really metaphor. (And of course, a lot of this depends on the characters inolved - I write Zutara smut much more metaphoric and vague than, say, Karin/Suigtesu, which is like, bring the swear words.)

So, for me 'finger-fucking' could be really sexy - but too much fluid is a total turn off for me.

[nimblnymph.livejournal.com]

I'm impartial to ellipses abuse. I use ellipses a lot when I write, but it's usually for dramatic effect and NEVER as a character's response. Whenever I read that in fanfiction, I just assume the author is using it to mark a pregnate pause... which seems rather silly to do.

Cum... This is one of those words I can't stand the sight of. I'm also not big on cunt for some reason either. Both words just look ugly to me. However, I DO use them on ocassion. Like if I'm writing some anonymous kink and I don't want people to guess it's mine, I purposely change up some of the words I use as well as the writing style (as much as I can considering how ingrained it is in me) just to keep people from guessing. But 90% of the time? It's "come".

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I think ellipses abuse (which I do as well) is far, far different when the ellipses is supposed to be their entire response.

'Cunt' has actually grown on me, because I think it matches 'cock' so nicely, which is another word I've always liked.

[cherryfruit.livejournal.com]

Ugh, me too. "..." is soo incredibly unnecessary.

"Cum" grosses me the hell out, too. I can't think of it outside a context that doesn't involve titles like "Gangbang Sluts 9".

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

"Cum" grosses me the hell out, too. I can't think of it outside a context that doesn't involve titles like "Gangbang Sluts 9".

Yes.

[wicked-seraph.livejournal.com]

Agreed on both counts, but especially the WTF misspelling. I've always associated the word "cum" with AIM speek and Internet shorthand, so immediately I'm put off by it. And like anat_astarte said, it's just completely unsexy.

I'm normally not even fond of words like "cock," - imho it's usually better to be a little more creative and tasteful, but some good writers can make them work in their favour. Even though there's such a thing as too creative - codpiece and lady-softness? As you were oh-so-kind to show us... (http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/2009/03/05/review-knight-moves-by-jamaica-layne/)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I tend to prefer the more realistic side of the metaphor/realistic smut scale, but too much in either direction is not good.

And yeah, lady-softness is... pretty epic in all the wrong ways.

I couldn't resist.

[okroginator.livejournal.com]

*in terrible Sean Connery accent* "Ah, ruff, just the way your mother likes it, Trebek."

In my wild and failtastic youth, I may have used "..." once or twice. I know better now.

Re: I couldn't resist.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

*nods*

I honestly think that's one of those things that a lot of people do earlier in their writing career, before they learn what's the most effective ways to tell stories.

[iapetusneume.livejournal.com]

For the life of me, I can't remember if I've ever used "..." in a fanfic before. I don't think so? But I know I've read it before. Sometimes even in decent fanfics. I can see why it would be annoying, and yes, it shouldn't be an easy way out for writing. I know I'd prefer a description of the character's face or something instead of an ellipse in quotations.

As for cum... oh god, I hate that word. Though I have to admit I always thought it was because I am so picky about wording in smut I read. I'm glad to see this is not the case! I kind-of always imagined that when people write it, they giggle and so I associate the word with immaturity. I don't think I've ever read a good fanfic that used it.

I also think that part of the problem with smutfic is... well, dialouge that sounds hot while you're getting it on often sounds silly when you're just reading it and not being aroused. So if you're reading a really bad smutfic and there's no arousal on your end, the dialouge is going to be even worse.

Smutfic is so difficult to write, and I think this is part of the reason. This is because different things turn an individual person on, and also I think that some people don't know how to use the correct vocabulary for certain pairings. Some will require a rougher vocab, and some will require a softer one. Using the incorrect one will make the fic sour quickly.

(As a sidenote on the Cunt debate, I've personally never gotten why it's such a horrible insult. I don't use it because of the stigma in society over it, but also because I don't use the harsher words. I don't use 'cock' either in fic or RP. It's just... not in my smutfic writing style. Hell, I try to talk around body parts so I don't have to worry about using a specific word. (I think I usually chose 'arousal' for men. It's been a long time since I've written smut involving a woman - man, it's been long since I've written smut at all - so I can't really remember what I used to describe the clitoris and vagina.)

I am way too wordy for 3AM.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

*nods*

Yeah, I've read both of the things I'm complaining about in otherwise good fanfics.

I'm glad to see this is not the case! I kind-of always imagined that when people write it, they giggle and so I associate the word with immaturity.

SAME! I immediately think of twelve-year olds who are just discovering OMG sex.

Smutfic is so difficult to write, and I think this is part of the reason. This is because different things turn an individual person on, and also I think that some people don't know how to use the correct vocabulary for certain pairings.

Both of these are true. However, for the first, I do think that well written smut will 1.) turn you on even if you didn't start in the mood and 2.) I believe that if something's well-written, you can appreciate it, even if somethings not quite working for you.

As a sidenote on the Cunt debate, I've personally never gotten why it's such a horrible insult.

I think because in our patriarchal culture, equating someone with something so inescapably and primally female and the sex organs is really, really insulting. I'm not saying that's right, I'm saying that's probably why it has so much power.

Hell, I try to talk around body parts so I don't have to worry about using a specific word.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, it really depends on the character. I have to admit, though, I adore writing smut for characters like Jiraiya or Gojyo where I can just turn the raunchy up to eleven.

[teh-amazing-one.livejournal.com]

Yes. I always hated the ellipses. I read the fanfic that wrote like that before I read manga, so I didn't realize that was where it came from. It always looked like they were saying a pause. Even then, I was a grammar nazi. I hated it.

Is "cum" not a word? I didn't like reading it, regardless.

Be thankful that, though flowery language, they got anatomy right.

I have read a fanfic that literally said, "he thrusted into her clitoris for five hours."

Seriously. I'm not making it up. The icon expresses my feelings on that.

[the-sun-is-up.livejournal.com]

"he thrusted into her clitoris for five hours."

Ouch. D:

[the-sun-is-up.livejournal.com]

I feel the "..." works well in dialogue-only fics but otherwise makes no sense at all.

Ugh I HATE the word "cum." For all the reasons you listed.

For example, I can easily tell the difference between 'Sasuke comes into the entryway' and 'Sasuke arrives home in time to see Kakashi pounding himself into Sakura as they fuck against the wall; Kakashi's fingers digging into her hips and face contorting as he comes.'

I LOL'D. A LOT. XD

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I'm glad. That was my intent. And you have no idea how hard it was to manage to get 'come' to be in the correct tense with that last sentence - I had to rephrase a lot.

[lalieth.livejournal.com]

I'm kinda getting over the whole smutfic thing all together. It was fun for a while, but when you look at the most popular fics in a fandom at mediaminer (say Inuyasha for example) and every last one of them is in the genre 'hentai', it starts to make you wonder. What the hell is up with fandom? Are we all such perverts? Is all this creative effort (however skilled or not) just another substitute for self-gratification?

I've read some great fics, and some with great sex scenes, and in all them there was one thing in common. They made little or no reference to body parts by naming them.

Please spare me the play by play at the biological level. Seriously, squick.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

What the hell is up with fandom? Are we all such perverts? Is all this creative effort (however skilled or not) just another substitute for self-gratification?

Well, I'll point out a couple things: one, sex/romance is usually what the canon we're dealing with DOESN'T have, so fanfic could fill that void. Also, I think sex is a natural part of life, and at least where I am (the US) it really doesn't get talked about in public much, or at least, it is certainly not a topic that gets talked about freely. So I think that is part of it - the internet provides a forum for a subject that it's talked about much IRL.

[strange_quark]

Total word on the "..." stuff. Unless you're writing a script-style fic (which, I'll be honest, usually doesn't work for me), use some description, damn it.

I think "cum" is supposed to be slang for ejaculate. If it's used for anything else, though, yeah, it's just bad spelling.

You know what I can't stand in smut? The word "juice." If it's not coming out of a carton I can buy at a grocery store, it's not juice and I don't want that word in my porn, kthnks. (Ignoring the fact that I don't really get why people are so fascinated with semen and vaginal secretions getting everywhere. IMO it's not at all sexy.)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Total word on the "..." stuff. Unless you're writing a script-style fic (which, I'll be honest, usually doesn't work for me), use some description, damn it.

Exactly.

I think "cum" is supposed to be slang for ejaculate. If it's used for anything else, though, yeah, it's just bad spelling.

Even if it's slang for ejaculate, it's still misspelled (imho).

I have to admit, I've seen 'juice' used in really, really hot ways (and I think I've used it myself). That said, I totally understand how it could be a total turn-off.

[mistaria.livejournal.com]

Thaaank you. I agree totally. And love your example sentence. Yum yum. Fuck you, Sasuke (but not literally)!

I came into the room vs. I came in her face! XD

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Yeah, my examples were KINDA linked. I only wish I could have figured out how to show that Sakura was Sasuke wife.

I came into the room vs. I came in her face! XD

What, you walked into her face? What a dick!

[korinacaffeine.livejournal.com]

I used to have a beta who changed "come" to "cum" in my sex scenes ALL THE TIME. And now matter how many times I told her to just leave it be, she just kept changing it, insisting it was the correct spelling.

It doesn't irk me as much when describing seminal fluids (though I wonder how you could make that sexy... "She had cum all over her face"? Ew ew ew), but when it describes the act of climaxing it just rubs me all the wrong ways.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

If a beta every tried that with me, there would be no 'next time' - I would not need her beta services ever again.

[tobu-ishi.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Although I agree with one of the other repliers on here that the sexy fic I enjoy the most is the stuff that spares me the biological play-by-play, I cannot think of anything that makes me laugh harder (and then hit the back button) than overly flowery language.

I don't read a lot of smut, but there was a perfectly good fic on the Soul Eater kink meme that I enjoyed hugely and almost perfectly...except that I had to stop halfway through and laugh myself punch-drunk and dizzy at the phrase...what was it? "Maka's velvet warmth", I think? Almost as good as lady-softness. Seriously, anonymous author, you wrote such an otherwise excellent piece! What possessed you? >.>

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Yeah, flowerly language is one of the hardest things to do well, imho.

"Maka's velvet warmth", I think? Almost as good as lady-softness. Seriously, anonymous author, you wrote such an otherwise excellent piece! What possessed you? >.>

See, I don't think that would have phased me. Anything with womb however? I mock the anatomy fail.